KNACKS: Guys, it's getting dark. Let's stop here and set up camp for the night.
TIGERBOY: Do you even know where we're going, Knacks? Did you bring a map...compass...anything?
KNACKS: For some reason, it just never occurred to me that I wouldn't automatically know how to find Hare and Claire's secret headquarters. As the kids say..."my bad."
CHER: Honey, did you bring any food? I'm starving.
KNACKS: Yeah, but before I hand it out, I guess I should come clean. I really didn't do a good packing job. I was so stressed out and pissed at Kuse, I barely paid any attention to what I threw in the suitcases. The moral is...never pack while angry.
CHER: Just feed us damn it, my stomach is making walrus mating noises.
KNACKS: I hope you guys like lettuce. Not because I have stock in the lettuce industry, but because lettuce is the only food I seem to have packed.
TIGERBOY: Herbivore food?! How could you have not brought beef jerky? Or at least pemmican! Those are staple foods for weird survivalist hunts like the one we're on.
KNACKS: Jesus, Tigerboy. If I knew you were going to be such a bitch about everything, I would've told you to stay home.
CHER: There has to be something besides lettuce for us to eat. Look in the suitcases again!
KNACKS: Hmm, well this is something. Looks like I brought Sambuca! A whole bottle!
TIGERBOY: You know, I've always wondered if there are any actual people named "Sam Buca." I wonder if they take any shit for it, or if they manage to slip by without ridicule because it's kind of an obscure connection.
CHER: Pour me six glasses, please.
MEANWHILE...
TURQUOISE: Hey, you're that Janet chick, right? I'm Turquoise. Wanna go steady?
JANET: I kinda have something going on with Man Eating Chicken, but I guess we never really established exclusivity.
TURQUOISE: Does that mean you'll go steady with me?
JANET: I can't answer that yet. Have to see if you impress me first!
WAITERBOT: There you are! You miserable, elusive monkey...I've been looking all over for you!
WAITERBOT: Turquoise, your master speaks! Today's LEGO Advent Calendar gift appears to be a scuba outfit. Normally, I'd never give one of my hard-earned presents to a lowly slave, but I feel that you will appreciate in value if correctly garbed. Eventually, I will sell you and be rich!
JANET: What's he talking about, Turquoise? You're his slave?
TURQUOISE: No, I'm not! I don't think I am, at least! I don't know...he put me together and told me I was...does that make it true?
JANET: Ewww, this is kinda icky.
WAITERBOT: You look marvelous. Simply marvelous!
TURQUOISE: But Mr. Waiterbot, this stuff is heavy! I can barely walk with this crap on! Do I really have to wear it now? We're nowhere near water!
WAITERBOT: I wish I had my camera!
WAITERBOT: James, can you believe this? You have to admit that the orange flippers are a nice touch.
JAMES LIPTON: They look like duck feet!
WAITERBOT: Why...yes! Indeed they do! They do look like duck feet!
WAITERBOT: Ha! From this point forth, you are Turquoise the Duck!
TURQUOISE: What?! I'm no duck!
WAITERBOT: Don't question me, lest I demand that you speak in nothing but duck quacks forevermore!
JANET: Hey, I think I'm gonna pass on us going steady.
TURQUOISE: I had such high hopes for this December. :(
LATER!
SANTA-X: Oh, you gotta be kidding me! You'll let your longtime comrade sit here and rot, but you'll talk to him?!
HSSXXLLLO: Quiet, Santa-X. It's hard enough to communicate with this clown without you spewing bile one cell over.
SANTA-X: When I get out of this cage, you're the first one I'm coming for, Hssxxlllo.
HSSXXLLLO: Okay clown...for the hundredth time...please tell me your name!
EEEEEEEEEEEJJJJJJJJJJJJJ HEEHEHEHEHEHEH.
HSSXXLLLO: Look dude, I'm trying to help you. Most of the people here want to see you dead, but I know that there must be some reason why you came here and started killing our circus animals. I'm not going to stop bugging you until I find out what it is.
HSSXXLLLO: I'll wait all day if I have to. I'm good at waiting. Here, watch me...I'm waiting right now. It's fun! I love to wait!
LION: ....
ELEPHANT: ....
MEANWHILE...
MARE: Kuse! Look at what Mista Snowman and I found at the Advent Calendar today! A pig!
MISTA SNOWMAN: A striped pig!
MARE: I've named him Rasher. Isn't that a clever name? Rate how clever it is...scale of 1 to 10.
KUSE: Uhh....7? I guess 7.
MARE: Wanna pet him? The neat thing is that his stripes protrude above the rest of his skin, so if you pet him on the side, it's feels like you're playing a plushie banjo!
KUSE: I'll pass. I have things to do. Nice pig, though.
MARE: Jeez, I can't catch a break with that guy!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Maybe Kuse needs therapy?
MARE: Maybe Kuse needs punch in the face.
MEANWHILE...
TIGERBOY: Yuck, there's dirt on the edge of my cup. I've been drinking this stuff for an hour, and I didn't notice the dirt until just now. I probably swallowed dirt!
CHER: sheeeeesh tigerman you sure do worry a lot. just kick back and put your feet up and RELAX, like i am doingggg.
TIGERBOY: Uh...what?
KNACKS: She's drunk. Just leave her be.
CHER: i am NOT drunk i am merely amiclablu. amiclabell. amica.
CHER: AMICABLE.
CHER: sometimes i look up at the stars and try to connect imaginary lines between them so that they spell out my name "cher."
TIGERBOY: Exactly how much Sambuca did she drink, Knacks?
KNACKS: The bottle's empty, if that's any indication.
TIGERBOY: I've never seen her like this! Who knew she was such a lush?
KNACKS: I usually encourage it, but since you're here, I guess there isn't much point.
CHER: you know what i think? i think you boys need to see how GOOD i am at impressions!
KNACKS: Honey, please don't try to get up. Remember what happened last time? You fell and got all those scrapes?
CHER: no no it's cool knacks it's cool, i can handle this.
CHER: okay you two, ready? here is my impression of our old friend mista snowman.
CHRISTMAS MAGIC
NON SEQUITURS
CAPS LOCK
CHER: holy shit wait a second. where is my tiny baby raccoon? oh my god i have LOST my raccoon!
CHER: raccoon! raccooooooon! it's christmas baby please come home!
