HSSXXLLLO: This clown is driving me crazy, Mare! He won't tell me anything!
MARE: Still? Strange, considering that we're willing to give him a pass on the whole "animal murder" thing if he gives us a reasonable explanation.
HSSXXLLLO: I guess I'll just tell Kuse that he's a lost cause and let the chips fall where they may.
MARE: Nah, don't do that, Hssxxlllo. Not quite yet.
HSSXXLLLO: Are you sure? Kuse was pretty specific about us killing the clown if he wouldn't give up any information.
MARE: Well, if you haven't noticed, Kuse is kinda off his rocker at the moment. You keep trying with that clown, and I'm gonna go see if I can find out what's up with my husband.
HSSXXLLLO: Good luck. Kuse is about as chatty as this clown, nowadays.
MARE: Oh, I don't need him to say anything...
MARE: I'm just gonna go find his secret diary. He doesn't know that I've seen it!
HSSXXLLLO: Kuse keeps a diary? Seriously...Kuse?
MARE: You know him...he's always been really inward.
HSSXXLLLO: But how do you plan to get at it without him noticing?
MARE: Simple! I made him to go the Advent Calendar in my place today! Told him I had a fever! It was the first lie I've told in years and MAN it felt good.
MEANWHILE...
SKUNKALICIOUS
MISTA SNOWMAN: Kuse, look at this! We got a skunk! I bet it sprays pine scent because it is obviously a CHRISTMAS SKUNK!
KUSE: That's a badger, you idiot.
MISTA SNOWMAN: How can you say that when the proof is right here?!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Hey Kuse, I have a question...
MISTA SNOWMAN: Do you remember that scene from A Christmas Story, where the kids dared Flick to put his tongue on the frozen pole? And when he did, it got stuck there? And all he kept saying was "STUCK STUCK STUCK?"
MISTA SNOWMAN: Wouldn't it have been awesome if, instead of "STUCK STUCK STUCK," Flick said "SKUNK SKUNK SKUNK?"
KUSE: You have no idea how lucky you are to be alive.
MEANWHILE...
MARE: Christ, this place is a mess. That diary has to be here somewhere...
BOX: What are you looking for, Mom?
MARE: Your father's diary. If you see a book with a little heart-shaped lock, can you bring it to me?
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBOT: Well well, what a surprise...another travesty of a gift, brought forth by those lousy LEGO gods.
JAMES LIPTON: What are you talking about?! There is nothing wrong with today's gift!
WAITERBOT: You think so? Okay then, tell me...what is today's gift?
JAMES LIPTON: Isn't it obvious? It's a gigantic, nonfunctioning robot bee!
WAITERBOT: Oh it is not!
WAITERBOT: I'm tired of this job! Everybody else is off having adventures and building suspense, and I'm stuck opening nondescript presents with you! Disgusting!
JAMES LIPTON: Waiterbot, if you don't like the gift, I'd be happy to take it.
WAITERBOT: Never! I'd eat a plate of dog shit if I thought you wanted it!
WAITERBOT: Pick up that gigantic nonfunctioning robot bee and carry it home, you filthy slave.
TURQUOISE: What?! I can't carry that thing alone, it's twice as big as I am!
WAITERBOT: Turquoise the Duck! Have we not established the punishment for disobedience? Now you must carry that gigantic nonfunctioning robot bee home on one foot!
LATER!
SANTA: Good lord, this is hilarious. "December 22, 2004. Dear Diary: I think I have developed feelings to Mare. I know, I'm surprised too! I don't know exactly how it happened, but we went to the movies and spent the day together, and when all was said and done, I had more butterflies than a safari adventurer with an extra large net. I just worry that she doesn't think I'm cute, given that my face looks like a slab of granite that's been dropped from a five story building."
SANTA: ....
SANTA: BWAHAHAHHAHA!
SANTA: Hey chicken guy, come here, you've gotta see this.
MAN EATING CHICKEN: Kuse's diary? Hell of a read.
SANTA: You've already read it?
MAN EATING CHICKEN: Are you kidding? I made copies!
SANTA: Ha, look at this entry from September. "Dear Diary: I wish I could say that I was over the "crab incident," but I'm not. I hate giant crabs. They scare me. They seriously scare me. Sometimes, I lay awake at night unable to sleep, scared that I'll have another one of my patented giant crab nightmares."
MAN EATING CHICKEN: He's such a drama queen.
MAN EATING CHICKEN: What's that in the upper left hand corner? Is that a drawing of Mare naked?
SANTA: Wow! Look how big he drew her tits! Wishful thinker, that one is!
MARE: What the fuck are you two doing?!!
MARE: How DARE you go through Kuse's private things! Give me that diary!
MAN EATING CHICKEN: Just stay away from the October entries, Mare. Kuse dabbled in poetry and...woof.
MEANWHILE...
KNACKS: Feeling better?
CHER: Much, thanks. Sorry about yesterday...hope I didn't embarrass you.
KNACKS: Nah, you were funny. You did a Mista Snowman impression!
CHER: Really? I didn't know I could do impressions. What was---
CHER: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
KNACKS: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
CHER: What the fuck? Was that an earthquake?
KNACKS: I think so. We better get moving...this probably isn't a good place to hang.
TIGERBOY: Hey guys, I found it! I've hit Hare's scent trail!
KNACKS: Really? Hare was here?!
TIGERBOY: Definitely. It's that same piss-and-cedar waft that drove me crazy last year. Follow me!
KNACKS: Well, this is it. It's put up or shut up time.
CHER: Are you sure we're ready for this? We can still turn back.
KNACKS I think we--
CHER: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
KNACKS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
KNACKS: You know, once you get over the initial shock, earthquakes are actually kind of fun!
CHER: I know, right? They're like full-body massages!
LATER!
HSSXXLLLO:That's Kuse's diary? It's practically as tall as he is!
MARE: What can I say? My man lives large.
HSSXXLLLO: Did you find out why he's being all weird?
MARE: Not really. There's a ton of funky shit in here, but nothing too surprising.
MARE: The only strange thing is that he stopped writing entries on December 5th. Looks like he hasn't touched the diary since then. I'm assuming he lost his pen, which sucks, because that was our only pen and now I have no way to do my Christmas cards.
HSSXXLLLO: Did he say anything about me in there?
MARE: Yeah, he said you were cool. Only thing he doesn't like is your clothes. He thinks they're dated.
HSSXXLLLO: Ouch.
MARE: Something's brewing, Hssxxlllo...I just know it.
