CHER: I can't believe this! Those two freaks are living in a grand old castle, and we're stuck slumming it in an abandoned circus? There's no justice!
KNACKS: Cher, whatever happens today, always remember that I love you.
CHER: I love you too, Knacks. Don't worry. I have a good feeling about this.
KNACKS: Good, because I don't.
TIGERBOY: Yeah, you're in the minority there, Cher.
KNACKS: Okay you two, COME ON OUT! We know you're in there! It's time we settled this crap face to face! We're not leaving until you come out and fight us!
HARE: They're here?
CLAIRE: They're here.
HARE: God, are they out of their minds?
CLAIRE: Apparently!
HARE: When should we make our grand debut?
CLAIRE: Oh, soon! But first, let's have a little fun with 'em...
CLAIRE: Hey Fred, go put together a welcoming party for our special guests, will ya?
FRED: You got it, my mistress. Anyone in particular?
CLAIRE: Just make sure they're outnumbered.
HARE: Zombria, take that louse to the dungeon.
ZOMBRIA: Any particular cell?
HARE: Just make sure he's outnumbered.
ZOMBRIA: That doesn't make sense.
HARE: It doesn't have to...I am your boss!
CLAIRE: This is it, Hare. The moment we've been waiting for.
HARE: When the deed is done, we shall celebrate with a kiss.
CLAIRE: If not more, my incestuous little pervert.
TIGERBOY: Knacks, they're not coming out. Maybe they aren't home?
KNACKS: Where the fuck would they go? The movies? They gotta be here!
KNACKS: Hey, shitheads! Come outside or we'll serenade you with TV theme songs for the rest of the night! I mean it!
CHER: Knacks, Knacks, look! They're opening the door!
KNACKS: Brace yourselves, guys.
CHER: Hey wait a second...
KNACKS: Ah fuck. I guess it was stupid to think that they'd make it easy for us.
REAPER: Hellllloooo, "heroes!"
REAPER: In a few short moments, you three will become nothing more than the blood stains that make our weapons look war torn and badass.
KNACKS: I'm starting to think that I probably shoulda packed a slingshot or a gun or something.
CHER: It'll be okay. Just remember, it's "hit - dodge - hit."
KNACKS: Why can't it be "hit - hit - dodge?"
CHER: It just can't.
MEANWHILE...
JAMES LIPTON: I know you think I forgot about it, but I didn't. I still want my hat back.
WAITERBOT: More boring hat talk? Christ, Lipton...you used to be interesting!
JAMES LIPTON: I refuse to be interesting until I have my hat back.
WAITERBOT: Stop pestering me! Can you not see that I'm busy breaking in today's gift?
WAITERBOT: Tell me about yourself, lad.
PAUL: I'm Paul. I'm a security officer.
WAITERBOT: But you carry a giant camera. Clearly you are a photographer.
PAUL: I'm that, too. But you know what's ironic?
PAUL: I'm a photographer, but it's like damn near impossible to take a picture of me. I get so blurry for some reason!
WAITERBOT: Oh I have the same problem! The lumpy mass that makes up the back of my head simply refuses to photograph in focus. I suppose it is my tragic flaw.
PAUL: We have so much in common! What was your name, again?
WAITERBOT: I am Waiterbot!
WAITERBOT: James, it looks like I was wrong about you LEGO people. Turns out, there is at least one of you who doesn't deserve a slow and painful death.
JAMES LIPTON: You mean me?
WAITERBOT: I do not!
MEANWHILE...
TIGERBOY: Man, these guys are big!
CHER: Yeah, but they're also slow! Be quick, Tigerboy!
BLADE: "Tigerboy?" That's your name? Heh, I'm definitely going to brag about killing you!
TIGERBOY: What makes you so sure I won't kill you?
BLADE: Because you're a midget in a tiger costume, and I'd never bring shame to my family by letting myself get killed by someone like that.
TIGERBOY: You're wrong. I'm a real tiger.
TIGERBOY: And real tigers pounce like mofos.
BLADE: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
TIGERBOY: Not only am I going to kill you...I am going to do it by punching you in the balls to death.
BLADE: No! No! My family will change their surname! Don't do this!
TIGERBOY: Die, scum! Tigers hate bad guys!
TIGERBOY: Hey guys, I killed one of them! You might say I've earned my stripes!
CHER: That's awesome, Tigerboy! You were great! I never woulda---
CHER: YAHHHH! Watch it with that thing, pal!
REAPER: Hush it, you tramp. Now that I have your attention, I shall split you in half with my mighty axe. I only like splitting people in half when they're looking right at me, so please don't turn away.
MEANWHILE...
MISTA SNOWMAN: Amazing! A baby skunk! Like the baby Jesus, but skunkier!
MARE: I think this is a baby badger, Mista Snowman.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Let's trick everyone and say it's a skunk, okay? I like skunks better.
MARE: Mista Snowman...have you noticed anything a little "off" about Kuse, lately?
MISTA SNOWMAN: YES! He isn't covered in garland!
MARE: But hasn't he been acting weird? Is it just me? Doesn't he seem...I don't know...distant?
MISTA SNOWMAN: All of this could be remedied with garland!
MARE: I feel like I don't want to admit to myself what I guess I already know.
MISTA SNOWMAN: That's deep, Mare. You know what else is deep?
TUNNELS DUG BY BABY SKUNKS
MEANWHILE...
REAPER: Feisty slut! After I kill you, the boys and I are going to pass your underwear around and do whippits.
CHER: That's gross! Now I don't feel so bad about what I'm about to do.
CHER: Has no one ever taught you how to speak to a lady?
REAPER: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
CHER: Haha, you're covered in green hand energy. You suck!
CHER: Who's the slut now, bitch?
CHER: Hey Knacks, how you holdin' up over there?
KNACKS: Good, Cher! Really good, actually!
KNACKS: These two jokers tried to stab me at the same time. I moved out of the way and it was like something out of The Three Stooges.
CHER: Wow, we really did it? We beat the bad guys? Go us!
TIGERBOY: I feel so energized and satisfied!
KNACKS: Don't get too cocky just yet. These dudes were just the appetizer.
