MISTA SNOWMAN: "A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors."
MARE: Really?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Of course not! I'm watching Christmas stuff!
MARE: Hey, I'm gonna need to bail on the Advent Calendar today. There's just too much going on, with Kuse and the killer clown and yadda yadda yadda. I'm sure you understand.
MISTA SNOWMAN: That's a bummer! Should I go alone?
MARE: No way, it isn't safe! Ask around and find someone to go with you.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Ooooh, I love asking people questions!
MISTA SNOWMAN: HEY EVERYONE! Does anyone want to come to the Advent Calendar with me today?
BOX: No!
LEGOTRON: Nobody likes you!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Well that sucks!
JAMES LIPTON: I'll come with you, Sire Snow! I've been cut off from the LEGO Advent Calendar, so my schedule's ridiculously clear now.
MISTA SNOWMAN: I love ridiculously clear schedules! And I love you for offering to come with me!
JAMES LIPTON: Thanks! What a warm thing to say!
MISTA SNOWMAN: The irony is...I'm freezing!
SANTA: I'm coming, too.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Santa?! Really?!!! You want to come with us?!
SANTA: Yeah, I need something to do. Frankly, I never would've busted out of my gift box so early if I thought I was just gonna loaf around in an old circus like some random LEGO bit player.
JAMES LIPTON: Santa, you have an awesome hat.
MEANWHILE...
HARE: Claire, honey, you know I'm a patient woman, but I think I've hit my limit.
HARE: I need to know what the master plan is. You can't keep me in the dark like this -- it's driving me crazy!
CLAIRE: Man, you just never let up, do you? Okay, fine, I'll give you the whole scoop: Our savior is currently at their sad little "secret" circus, pretending to be Kuse. When the time is right, he will unmask, kill them and reward us grandly for our assistance.
HARE: What?! You gotta be kidding me -- he's at their circus right now?
CLAIRE: Yup. He's been there for a while, actually.
HARE: So what are we going to get out of this, exactly? You've already established that I can't slay the prisoners because our "savior" called first dibs or some shit.
CLAIRE: In return for our subservience, he will let us run the Advent Calendars next year. He's taking control, sister! He's taking control of everything!
CLAIRE: Pretty sweet deal, no?
HARE:Very sweet, actually. Much like yourself.
CLAIRE: Awww! C'mere, ya big cottontail...
FRED: Oh Christ, here we go again! Why do they insist on porking right in front of us?
ZOMBRIA: The masters have little concern for what we think, Fred. We are merely here to serve them.
FRED: But you'd think they'd want a little privacy!
FRED: Okay, now what in God's name do you call that?
ZOMBRIA: I believe that's referred to as a "low intensity piledriver."
MEANWHILE...
KUSE: Knacks, how are you feeling?
KNACKS: A little bruised up, but I'll be okay. Now what the fuck are doing here?!
KUSE: What am I doing here? No, what are YOU doing here?!
KUSE: I appreciate that you wanted to help us escape, but it was insane to try to fight Hare and Claire.
KNACKS: Huh? What are you talking about...I didn't even know you were here!
KUSE: Well didn't anybody notice that I've been gone for almost two weeks? I know I wasn't talking much, but come on!
KNACKS: "Gone for two weeks?" Kuse, you were at the circus when we left a couple of days ago!
KUSE: Are you insane? You tried to make me sit through Mista Snowman's stand-up routine on...what was it...December 5th? I got so fed up with his stupid jokes that I went outside for air, and the next thing I knew, I woke up here!
KUSE: OHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUDDDGGGE.
KNACKS: Kuse, does this mean what I think it means?
KUSE: I don't know who he is, Knacks, but I swear to God, if he touches Mare, I will KILL him.
KNACKS: Jesus, he even sounded like you! What the heck is going on?
KUSE: We gotta get outta this dungeon. We gotta get out of here right fucking now.
MEANWHILE...
MARE: Hssxxlllo? Are you out here? Hssxxlllo???
MARE: Where is that wascally wabbit?
KUSE: What's up, Mare?
MARE: Oh, hey hon! I'm just looking for Hssxxlllo...wanted to see if he managed to get through to that clown yet.
KUSE: Oh, Hssxxlllo took off last night. Said he wanted to join up with Knacks and Cher.
MARE: What?! Is he nuts?! He went out there alone?!
KUSE: Yeah, I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen!
KUSE: Look, I think we need to talk. Can we sit down?
MARE: Kuse, if this is about killing the clown, I don't want to hear it. He's perfectly contained in that cage, and I refuse to murder someone who couldn't possibly bring us further harm.
KUSE: This isn't about the clown, Mare -- that can wait. This is about us.
KUSE: Mare, I know I've been a little cold and distant. I'm really sorry. My head was all screwed up. It's just been a tough year, y'know?
MARE: I do know, Kuse. I was just worried that...I dunno...it just seemed like you didn't want anything to do with us anymore. I felt a little jilted.
KUSE: Baby, I'm so sorry you felt that way, but it isn't true! I love you! I love you more right now than I ever have before!
KUSE: In fact, that's what I wanted to talk to you about...
KUSE: I think we should have another kid.
LATER!
SANTA: Well of all the rotten luck! I finally decide to come back to the Advent Calendar, and all we get is a dank old tree stump.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Santa, you've got it all wrong! This is your Christmas throne! This is where you sit with greedy children on top of your lap!
JAMES LIPTON: Guys, I have BREAKING NEWS. There is cauliflower attached to this tree stump. Cauliflower!
MISTA SNOWMAN: You see, Santa? Now you can give the good kids clumps of cauliflower before you pat them on their heads and send them on their merry way!
JAMES LIPTON: Cauliflower looks like brains!
MEANWHILE...
KUSE: It'll be amazing, Mare! A brother or sister for Box to play with! We'd be a regular nuclear family!
MARE: I just don't know if now is the right time for me to get pregnant. There's so much shit going on...is this the kind of world we want to bring a child into?
KUSE: Just think about it, okay? I really think that having a baby will rectify everything that is wrong with our relationship.
MARE: Okay, I'll think about it, but no promises.
KUSE: None expected, my dear. I'm really happy that we finally had a chance to talk.
MARE: So am I, Kuse. I love you.
KUSE: Let's make out.
MARE: Okay!
WAITERBOT: SLUTS! You are both sluts!
KUSE: Waiterbot, go away. Now.
WAITERBOT: You horny lice! This is a circus, not Studio 54!
MARE: Hey, who's that guy behind you? I haven't seen him before.
WAITERBOT: He is Paul! I've taken quite a shine to him!
MARE: Not Paul. The other guy.
WAITERBOT: Who, him? He was today's LEGO gift! He is a convict!
WAITERBOT: I've named him Texas Mandarin!
WAITERBOT: Texas Mandarin came with an extra pair of handcuffs. From the looks of things here, you two sluts may need them more than I!
MARE: Don't be gross, Waiterbot. And mind your own business.
KUSE: Ugh. I so want to kill that guy.
MEANWHILE...
KNACKS: But Kuse, think about it! Even if we do get out of here, we'll have to fight Hare and Claire! We tried that yesterday, and believe me, it didn't go over so well.
KUSE: I can't worry about that now, Knacks! Mare's in danger! They're all in danger!
CHER: Hey, guys?
KUSE: We have to find a way out of this dungeon!
KNACKS: Maybe we can pick that lock on the gate?
KUSE: I've already tried -- it's way too secure!
CHER: GUYS, WILL YOU SHUT UP AND LOOK AT ME?
CHER: My little baby raccoon is here! He must've followed us! Maybe he can help us find a way out of this dungeon!
KUSE: You guys got a raccoon? Let me guess...Advent Calendar gift?
KNACKS: You bet.
KUSE: But what can he do for us? He's just some dumb animal!
CHER: Don't say that, Kuse! I'll have you know that he is a very smart raccoon!
CHER: Okay little guy! We need your help!
KUSE: Oh this is just flat out fucking ridiculous.
KNACKS: Give it a chance, Kuse. She's really good with raccoons.
CHER: We need you to run to the top of the castle and look for a set of keys. Can you do that for mommy, little guy?
