ARCANO: WHAT WILL HAPPEN WILL HAPPEN, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. WHY NOT MAKE IT EASY FOR YOURSELF?
MARE: Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm not sleeping with you and I'm definitely not having a baby with you! Stay away from me!
ARCANO: IMPUDENT VESSEL, YOU WILL OBEY!
MARE: AHHHHHHHH!
ARCANO: WHAT A COMPROMISING AND CONVENIENT POSITION YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF IN, MARE WINNINGHAM.
ARCANO: EHHHH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEHHHHHHHH.
MEANWHILE...
CLAIRE: Hahahahah! Isn't this fun, Hare? Just like old times!
HARE: It's a blast -- literally!
KNACKS: Kuse, what are we going to do?! Mare's inside with your imposter!
KUSE: You think I don't know that, Knacks?! There's no way in that tent -- there's a fucking barricade of hand energy blocking the way!
SANTA: I don't know how long I can keep this up, Cher! I'm not made for this kind of endurance!
CHER: Hang in there, Santa! If we don't keep my sisters at bay, they'll kill our friends!
SANTA: Well, they're more your friends if you want to get technical. Truth be told, I barely know these people.
CHER: Just keep shooting hand energy! Don't you dare stop!
HARE: Bah, now I'm getting bored. It seems we've reached a hand energy stalemate.
CLAIRE: Agreed. I think it's time to summon the reserves!
HARE: The reserves! I love them!
CLAIRE: I do too!
WHITEBEARD: Hello, mateys!
BOOTYLICIOUS: So glad we could join the party!
KNACKS: Oh FUCK, now who in the holy hell are those guys?!
KUSE: More of Hare and Claire's minions, I'm guessing. Shit.
BOOTYLICIOUS: Hey Whitebeard, check out this guy. He's dressed like a chef!
WHITEBEARD: Kill him immediately! If he is truly passionate about his craft, then his will should dictate that he be buried in uniform!
KNACKS: Kuse, they're killing some of the lesser-known LEGO guys. It's only a matter of time before they get to the people we actually care about.
KUSE: That's cold, Knacks.
KNACKS: Well, it's December.
HARE: Santa-X! My old toy! So nice to see you again!
SANTA-X: Jesus H. Christ -- FINALLY!
SANTA-X: Now, who should I kill first? Or maybe I should make up for lost time by killing two of these morons simultaneously? Yes...that's the ticket.
SANTA: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!
CHER: Santa, cut it out! Don't worry about that guy! We have to block Hare and Claire's hand energy!
HARE: Their defenses are weakened! Take your shot, Claire!
CLAIRE: Oooh, I so will! Just trying to figure out which of these fucktards deserves to be first in line!
CLAIRE: Man, this is a tough call....I hate everyone here! I guess I'll just close my eyes and shoot.
TED: James, I can't see anything! What's going on out there?! Are we winning?
JAMES LIPTON: Hard to say, Ted. To be honest, I've haven't really been paying attention!
TED: AHHHHHHHH!
JAMES LIPTON: TED! No! Not you!
JAMES LIPTON: Ted, stay with me! You can't die...you're quickly becoming one of my best friends!
TED: James...it's over...I can see the light...
JAMES LIPTON: TED! NO! YOU GOTTA FIGHT THIS!
TED: Tell my wife...and my children...and my parrot...that I love them very much...
JAMES LIPTON: Oh God, this can't be happening! Not to Ted! NOT TO TED! There's only one thing a person can do in times like these...
JAMES LIPTON: GET SOME FUCKIN' REVENGE.
MEANWHILE...
ARCANO: YOU HIDE FROM ME? YOU HIDE BEHIND A TABLE? THIS SEEMS BENEATH YOU. PERHAPS I DIDN'T CHOOSE THE STRONGEST MOTHER FOR MY HEIR.
MARE: Stop talking like that, you twisted asshole!
ARCANO: I DON'T SEE WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS. AS PLENTY HAVE TOLD ME, I'M TERRIFIC IN BED.
ARCANO: NOW PLEASE, LET US END THIS GRATING GAME OF CAT-AND-MOUSE, IN FAVOR FOR THE MORE ALLURING GAME OF BIRDS-AND-BEES.
ARCANO: AHHHH! THE FUCK?!!
MARE: You?! You mean you aren't a bad clown after all?!
ARCANO: YOU WILL REGRET THE MOMENT YOU FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET IN HERE.
MARE: Kill him, clown! Kill him while you still have a chance!
GRRRRRRRRRRRJJJJJJ HEEHEHEGRRRR!!!
MEANWHILE...
JAMES LIPTON: There they are! Mangy mongrels!
CLAIRE: Now let's see...I could shoot Knacks, but then I'd be wasting valuable hand energy that might be better spent on Kuse! OH GOD, this is why I let Hare make all the decisions!
JAMES LIPTON: Greetings, you ape!
CLAIRE: James Lipton?! Hahahahaha! You must be joking!
JAMES LIPTON: There are two things I never joke about: Racial disharmony, and SWEET, SWEET REVENGE!
CHER: JAMES! What are you doing?! Get down from there -- they'll KILL you!
HARE: There a problem here, Claire?
CLAIRE: No problem, sister. Just a pesky insect giving us his last words.
HARE: I didn't know insects could talk.
CLAIRE: This one can!
JAMES LIPTON: Ladies, please! I have something important to say!
JAMES LIPTON: Do you see this obliterated torso to my right? Well, this used to be Ted! Ted was among my closest friends! I loved Ted!
JAMES LIPTON: And what did you ladies do? You went and killed Ted. I've lost a friend, a confidant, an ally, and an all-around swell looking gentleman.
JAMES LIPTON: Clearly, you two must be destroyed!
CLAIRE: Oh PLEASE! Do you really think one measly James Lipton can defeat the Sisters of Destruction? Hahahaha!
JAMES LIPTON: Claire, I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer honestly.
CLAIRE: Okay, shoot.
JAMES LIPTON: When I was in college, what do you think I majored in?
CLAIRE: I don't know...business journalism? Communications?
JAMES LIPTON: WRONG.
JAMES LIPTON: It was BIOLOGICAL FISSION.
JAMES #2: Hello, Claire!
CLAIRE: What the fuck?!!
JAMES LIPTON: Let's give her the ol' 1-2, James #2!
CLAIRE: AHHHHHHHHH!
CLAIRE: Those MOTHERFUCKERS! They burned my fucking hand off!
JAMES LIPTON: And now for you, silly rabbit!
HARE: Ha, it's going to take a lot more than shooting fire out of your hand cavities to defeat me, Lipton.
JAMES LIPTON: I thought the same thing! Hand cavities are far too small!
HARE: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
HARE: Claire, Claire! That fucker burned my ear off!
CLAIRE: Let's get out of here, Hare!
HARE: But what about our savior?!
CLAIRE: Fuck him! He can take care of his own shit!
CLAIRE: SEE YA NEXT YEAR, CUMQUATS!
HARE: Have a safe and happy new year!
WAITERBOT: Do my eyes deceive me, or did I just see James Lipton single-handedly defeat Hare and Claire Winningam?
KNACKS: JAMES, YOU FUCKING ROCK STAR! YOU DID IT! YOU SAVED US!
JAMES LIPTON: If anybody would like to thank us, we're registered at Fortunoff!
JAMES #2: And also at Sears, but we like Fortunoff's stuff better!
JAMES LIPTON: LIPTON/HAT 2008, MOTHERFUCKAAAAAAZZZ.
KUSE: Guys, this is our chance! Kill the bad guys!
WAITERBOT: Paul, get a picture of this.
PAUL: I'm on it, chief.
SANTA: YOU LOUSY, NO GOOD, PIECE OF SHIT BURNED UP DICKFACE! YOU GIVE SANTAS A BAD NAME!
SANTA-X: Holy crud, you're one angry dude!
DOCTOR: Guys, I killed this pirate with his own sword!
TIGERBOY: You know what they call that? "Arrrrrony!"
BOX: Heh, check it out! He's been dead for less than a minute, and this raccoon is already trying to scavenge!
MEANWHILE...
MARE: Clown, what are you waiting for?! Kill Arcano! Do it now!
GRRRRRRRRRRRJJJJJJ HEEHEHEGRRRR!!!
MARE: Oh Christ, not this again! Don't worry about the stupid circus animals! KILL THE GOD DAMNED GREEN-HEADED GUY!
ARCANO: HELLO, MYSTERY CLOWN.
GRRRRRRRRRRRJJJJJJ HEEHEHE???????????
AHHHHHHHJJJJJJ OWOWOWOWOWAHHHHH!!!
MARE: OH GOD! NO!!!
ARCANO: NOW, WHERE WERE WE? OH, THAT'S RIGHT -- I WAS ABOUT TO STICK MARE WITH MY POISON PRETZEL ROD.
ARCANO: MARE?
ARCANO: GET BACK HERE, WINNINGHAM!
MARE: Kuse! Kuse, oh my GOD!
KUSE: MARE! You're alive! You're safe!
MARE: Kuse, we gotta get out of here! We gotta leave RIGHT NOW!
KUSE: But honey! We already defeated your sisters and all of the other jerks -- I'm sure we can handle my stupid doppelganger!
MARE: Kuse, you don't understand! He's insanely powerful! We have to leave NOW!
ARCANO: EHHHH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEHHHHHHHH.
KUSE: I take it that's the guy?
MARE: That's him. "Arcano."
KUSE: I can't tell you how wonderful it is to know that you mistook that guy for me.
MARE: Kuse, he was wearing your helmet! I never saw his face!
KUSE: Yeah, but even our uniforms are a little different!
ARCANO: DECEMBER WAS FUN, BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. IT'S TIME TO PUT A LID ON THIS THING.
ARCANO: ASSUME THE POSITION, MY PETS.
CHER: The circus animals?! They're with Arcano?!
KNACKS: Holy crap, so that's why the clown kept killing them! Somehow, he knew the truth!
KUSE: Where is that clown, anyway?
MARE: Arcano sort of blasted his head off.
KUSE: Well, shit.
ARCANO: THIS ALL COULD HAVE BEEN SO SIMPLE. HAD YOU JUST LET ME IMPREGNATE MARE AND TAKE THE CHILD, I WOULD'VE CONSIDERED LETTING YOU LIVE. SADLY, YOU SEEM DETERMINED TO DIE IN ONLY THE CRUELLEST WAY POSSIBLE...
ARCANO: ...AT THE HANDS OF MY PETS.
CHER: Guys, I'm not following this! It's just a lion and an elephant! What's the big deal?
KUSE: Something isn't right. Do you guys smell that? Kind of smells like sulfur and lemons? I remember that smell.
ARCANO: AS A TOAST TO THE HOLIDAY SEASON, I'VE INVITED A FEW OF YOUR OLD FRIENDS TO COME CELEBRATE WITH US.
ARCANO: RISE, MY PETS!
KNACKS: What the fuck is going on?!
KUSE: Are they...changing?!
ARCANO: YES, YES! RISE! RISE!
KUSE: Oh my God, it can't be! This can't be happening!
KUSE: IT'S......IT'S THEM!
ARCANO: YOU REMEMBER MY PETS, DON'T YOU? YOU HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THEM LAST SUMMER!
