JAMES LIPTON: Mr. Waiterbot...I think I've given you enough time to think this over. I haven't bugged you for almost a whole day. Can I please have my hat back now?
WAITERBOT: Sadly, no...but I am prepared to offer you a consolation prize. Let it never be said that Waiterbot lacks Christmas sprit!
WAITERBOT: Today's LEGO gift is a real barrel of shit. It's impossible to put together, and judging from the illustration on the box flap, it doesn't appear to be anything I'd ever want to put together.
WAITERBOT: James, today's worthless LEGO gift is your consolation prize. This pile of refuse is yours and yours alone.
JAMES LIPTON:Are you serious?! This is all mine?!
WAITERBOT: The only time I was ever more serious was when I told Knacks to stop reading "I Can Has Cheezburger" gags aloud while surfing the web on his infernal computer.
JAMES LIPTON: Hahahah!
WAITERBOT: Don't patronize me.
JAMES LIPTON: Wow! I have actual, tangible assets!
JAMES LIPTON: Remarkablous!
MEANWHILE...
CHER: Thanks for coming with me to the Advent Calendar, Mare. Knacks is planning some kind of "big surprise" for Kuse, but he was all freaked out about me coming here alone.
MARE: Trust me, you're doing me a favor. Getting away from that circus is just what I needed right now.
CHER: Hey, we got a deer!
MARE: He's adorable!
CHER: Totally. Like Bambi times ten. Anyway, since we're alone, I gotta ask...what is going on with you and Kuse these days?
MARE: I don't know. I really don't know. You gotta realize, Kuse was really proud of that mansion. He sacrificed a lot to get it for us. To see it destroyed like that...I guess it just kinda broke his spirit.
CHER: Okay, see, that's different from what Knacks is saying. He thinks Kuse is just like, hardcore afraid of crabs.
MARE: That's possible too. He hasn't said more than six words since that whole thing happened...who knows what he's thinking?
MARE: Hey, there's still something left in today's gift box. I guess this is one of those "double gift" days.
CHER: Oooh, what is it? Did we get two deers?
MARE: You can't pluralize "deer" like that.
CHER: Really? We could in my dimension.
MARE: What the heck?! It's a big, steaming pile of dung!
CHER: BAD deer! You're a BAD DEER!
LATER!
MAN EATING CHICKEN: Hi, I'm Man Eating Chicken. What's your name?
JANET: I'm Janet.
MAN EATING CHICKEN: Hi Janet. Thoughts on chicken?
JANET: Chicken? I like it enough, I guess.
FIREMAN: There you are! I've been looking all over for you two!
JANET: Who's that guy?
MAN EATING CHICKEN: No idea, but he probably isn't too important. I was introduced to everyone except him, and that includes the random peacock.
FIREMAN: HOW did you guys do it? I've been at this Advent Calendar thing forever, and I still haven't managed to make my mark! You guys are less than a week old, and already, you're all I'm hearing about!
MAN EATING CHICKEN: See, the problem is that you don't have a cool gimmick. I notice you're a fireman. Okay, but so what? Anyone can be a fireman. So the question is, how can you make yourself unique among firemen?
JANET: What Man Eating Chicken says is true. Look at him! If not for the chicken, what would he be? You have to find your own personal version of chicken.
FIREMAN: But why can't I just be myself? I'm a nice, normal, hardworking fireman. Shouldn't that be enough?
LEGOTRON: Just give me your head and be done with it already, you pointless Kraut.
MEANWHILE...
JAMES LIPTON: Oh, this won't do. This simply won't do at all.
JAMES LIPTON: It's just not the same. It just isn't...fucking...the same.
MEANWHILE...
KNACKS: Okay, Kuse! It's time! I've got a BIG SURPRISE for you, my friend!
KNACKS: Since you're still sad, I went through the trouble of booking a hilarious stand-up comedian, to entertain you and me and all of our friends! If this guy doesn't make you smile, nothing will!
BOX: This comedian had better be good, Uncle Knacks.
KNACKS: Oh man, he SO is!
HSSXXLLLO: Box, calm down! We're here for Kuse, remember? Just smile and laugh and hope he follows suit!
BOX: Uh, Hssxxlllo? Never talk to me again. Frankly, your relationship with my father kind of freaks me out. You're sure you like living with us?
KNACKS: Shhh! Shhh! Quiet everyone, the show's about to start!
UNSEEN ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! LIVE FROM THE PLAYMOBIL ABANDONED CIRCUS, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT FUNNIES!
UNSEEN ANNOUNCER: OUR SPECIAL GUEST ENTERTAINER THIS EVENING: A BUDDING STAND-UP COMIC WHO TRULY NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. HOT OFF HIS SUCCESSFUL TOUR OF THE RENO CIRCUIT...
IT'S THE ONE...
THE ONLY....
WHASSSSUP?!!
BOX: Oh for fuck's sake.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Good evening, everybody! I'm DJ Maestro Mista Snow-On-The-Go, and I'm here to MAKE YOUR STOMACH HURT FROM COMEDY!
I thought I'd start off tonight's show with my patented rendition of The Vandals classic, "Oi To The World."
KNACKS: No, Mista Snowman! You're a comedian, remember? Tell us a joke!
Okay, okay...I can do that!
So did everyone hear the one about the rabbi and the two other rabbis?
...THEY FOUND OUT THEY WERE CATHOLIC AND STARTED CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS INSTEAD!
KNACKS: ....
BOX: ....
TIGERBOY: ....
HSSXXLLLO: ....
KUSE: ....
Oh, whoops! Silly me! I forgot to include the punch line!
...CHRISTMAS!!!
KNACKS: Kuse, isn't this great? Imagine...a professional stand-up comedian, right here in our little circus!
KNACKS: Kuse?
KNACKS: Where'd he go?
KNACKS: Oh well, at least we know he can still move. Good job, Mista Snowman! You rocked the house!
