MARE: I know it sounds stupid, but trust me...this will knock your father out of his little coma.
BOX: But Mom...what will everyone think?! I have my reputation to consider!
MARE: DO WHAT YOUR MOTHER SAYS. SHE'S HAD A DIFFICULT MONTH.
BOX: Yes ma'am.
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBOT:My gift is pathetic?! No, YOUR gift is pathetic!
KNACKS: Yeah, good luck finding even one single person on this planet who'll agree with you on that one.
CHER: Ugh...they're at it again, James.
JAMES LIPTON: Mare, you've stopped dyeing your hair! No more sultry brunette? I have to say...I'll miss it!
KNACKS: Waiterbot, come on...even you have to admit that there's no contest today.
WAITERBOT: I do admit it! There is no contest: My LEGO gift is clearly the victor!
KNACKS: See, I know that you know the truth, and so does everybody else. Now you're gonna be pissed when you get all indignant about something for real, and nobody believes you.
WAITERBOT: Stop saying so much! I hate hearing you!
KNACKS: Okay, let's review. Cher and I got a three-point buck. A giant deer. Perhaps of the giant reindeer variety. The only reason kids don't ask Santa for shit like this is because they think even he has his limits. I mean it...this deer is seriously awesome.
KNACKS: ...and what'd you and James get? A malformed pinewood derby racer, and a goblet filled with ping pong balls.
WAITERBOT: You see, you admit it! I got two gifts...maybe even three if you count the goblet and ping pong balls separately. And even more if you count each individual ping pong ball as a separate gift. I got all of that, and what's your claim to fame? One lousy deer? Well fuck that!
WAITERBOT: The truth is, you're jealous. You are jealous of my pinewood derby racer...you are jealous of my goblet...and yes, you are jealous of my ping pong balls.
KNACKS: Jealous?! Even if my giant deer arrived dead, I still would've picked him over that junk!
WAITERBOT: You lie! You lie because the truth ravages your tiny soul.
CHER: Can you believe those two? They're acting like five-year-olds!
JAMES LIPTON: They are so immature.
CHER: Promise me that we'll never get stupid and start arguing about which team is getting the better gifts.
JAMES LIPTON: My hands are detachable. When I take them off, my forearms spray fire.
MAN EATING CHICKEN: You see what I mean, Fireman? Gimmicks! They're just a bunch of gimmicks!
MAN EATING CHICKEN: I'm tellin' ya...just start doing something goofy, and pretty soon, everything will be about you!
FIREMAN: Maybe I could start dressing like a cop and tell people I'm a police officer instead of a fireman?
MAN EATING CHICKEN: No, no...you need to think bigger.
FIREMAN: Can't I just walk around holding chicken like you do?
MAN EATING CHICKEN: No, because then you'll dilute the impact of chicken, and we'll both lose.
FIREMAN: This is so complicated.
MEANWHILE...
TIGERBOY: Man, Knacks is pretty cool to let half the people living here use his computer whenever they want.
HSSXXLLLO: It's a trade. I clean out all of his bugs and spyware, and he lets me use it in return.
TIGERBOY: You know I'm Knacks's second best friend, right? I'm like neck-and-neck with Kuse.
HSSXXLLLO: Really? Then how come I haven't seen you two say one word to each other all month?
TIGERBOY: It's just worked out that way.
TIGERBOY: What are you doing on there, anyway?
HSSXXLLLO: I'm trying to dig up clues on Hare and Claire. I think they're working with someone else. Someone worse.
TIGERBOY: I knew I shouldn't have asked.
HSSXXLLLO: Well, I'm only 50% sure. I've been wrong before...heck, everyone here knows how wrong I've been before.
TIGERBOY: Just don't go spreading propaganda across the circus unless you're sure. The last thing anyone needs right now is unfounded panic.
TIGERBOY: Besides, Hare and Claire have our number. We can't beat them. There's no sense worrying about something we can't do anything about.
HSSXXLLLO: That's kind of a defeatist attitude for a tiger, isn't it?
TIGERBOY: Yeah? Well you're kind of paranoid for a rabbit!
HSSXXLLLO: I can't top that.
LATER!
MARE: Still not talking, eh?
KUSE: ....
MARE: That's okay. You can be as quiet as you want. Never talk again, for all I care!
MARE: Anyway, I figured, even though you're not talking, that you'd probably want an update on everything that's been happening around the circus.
MARE: It's been a whirlwind week! Let's see....James is pleading with Waiterbot for some little red cup that he thinks is a hat. Oh, and somebody killed one of the baby lions, but nobody knows who did it. And we got our very first LEGO woman! A lot has happened!
MARE: I'm trying to think if there was anything else. Hmmm...hmmm...oh yeah, one other thing!
MARE: Our son wants to become a unicorn faerie princess.
MARE: He's already got me sewing away on a pink leotard, which is a little odd since faeries don't wear leotards. Anyway, what could I say? It's a parent's job to encourage their children.
MARE: Oh, and he's also demanding that we change his name to "Sallestra." "Sallestra the Unicorn Faerie Princess." I told him we'd be okay with it, but he keeps asking for the paperwork to make it legal.
KUSE: ....
MARE: You cool with that?
KUSE: ....
KUSE: ....
KUSE: ....
KUSE: No fucking way.
MARE: He speaks! He lives! Oh Kuse, you're back!
KUSE: I'll rip the kid's head off and eat it before I let him become a unicorn faerie princess.
MARE: I love you!!
MARE: This is my favorite day so far!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Could you keep it down, Mare? I'm watching Home Alone 2, and it's almost up to the part where that nice old man just completely butchers the pronunciation of "two turtle doves."
You know I only watch the movie to see that one scene.
