SANTA: Care to explain this?

KNACKS: Oh, him? He's Santa-X. Long story, but the gist is that one of our enemies burned 2006's Santa Claus to a crisp, until he was resurrected by one of our other enemies in 2007. Now he's a bad guy.

SANTA: So he's a prisoner of war?

KNACKS: It's more of a case of us thinking he would stab us if he wasn't locked in a cage.

SANTA: I see.


KNACKS: Santa, it's like I told you...our lives here are uh....they're a little bit complicated.

SANTA: You know, in the old days, all us Playmobil Santas had to do was come out of our boxes on Christmas Eve, play a few rounds of darts with the kids, and eat cookies.

KNACKS: Times have changed.

SANTA: Well not for the better!


SANTA: And a circus? You guys seriously live in a circus?

KNACKS: We do. We used to live in a mansion, but it was eaten by giant crabs. Ready to go inside and meet everyone?

SANTA: I'm really not sure.

MEANWHILE...


LEGOTRON: A ladder? I know we're living in a recession, but I didn't expect it to trickle all the way down to LEGO Advent Calendar gifts.

BOX: Aww, you're just being bitchy. There's nothing wrong with this ladder. Climb it and you'll see.


BOX: Now what do you think?

LEGOTRON: I think Lipton and Waiterbot can have their jobs back.

MEANWHILE...


OH GOD I LOVE YOU


SIGN MY HAND


SANTA: Knacks, who is this creature and why is he retarded?

KNACKS: That's Mista Snowman. Don't worry about him, he just really likes Christmas.

SANTA: But I don't understand...why doesn't he melt?

KNACKS: Well, to hear him tell it, he's actually composed of coconut shavings.


SANTA: Whisker shits -- this place is a madhouse! Look at these freaks!

KNACKS: Santa, don't say that. We aren't freaks.

SANTA: Are you kidding? I even see the old "man eating chicken" sideshow gag!


SANTA: Snowman, who is the leader of this outfit?

MISTA SNOWMAN: Kuse!!!!

KNACKS: What?! No, Kuse is NOT our leader! We live in a complete and total democracy...we don't have a leader.

MISTA SNOWMAN: No really though, it's Kuse!

LATER!


KUSE: Santa, I'm not sure how you snuck away from the Advent Calendar two weeks early, but we're happy to have you. We really needed a Santa Claus this year.

SANTA: So I hear! But seriously, I'm not sure if I'm up for this. See, I think a century's worth of billboards and postcards painted by third party artists has given everyone the wrong impression about us Santas. We aren't exactly "warriors."

KUSE: But Cher told us that you tore two of Hell's demons limb from limb!

SANTA: You can't really count that. I had just gotten out of my box. I was full of adrenaline.


MARE: Santa, what my husband's trying to say is that we've had a *really* crappy time since we lost our last Santa. Maybe now that you're here, everything will fall back into place!

KUSE: Mare, that's not what I was saying at all! I meant that we need him to storm Hare and Claire's secret headquarters on a suicide mission.


KNACKS: This is bullshit! This is total bullshit!

CHER: Knacks...please...don't...

KNACKS: Fuck that, Cher! I can't believe this shit!


KNACKS: Santa, you're out of your fucking mind if you take orders from that guy over there. He's not our leader. He just wants to feel important. Seriously, you're being a real fool if you take what he says as gospel.


KNACKS: You just think about that. Let's go, Cher. Some of us have real, actual work to do.

KUSE: Knacks! Jesus man, get back here!

MARE: Let him go, Kuse. He needs to sort this out himself. You know it has nothing to do with you.


MARE: Santa, listen, it's been great chatting, but can I have a few minutes alone with Kuse?

SANTA: Take your time. Frankly, I need a few minutes, too. Gotta figure out why I didn't just go home with the zombies.


MARE: He's not going to stay mad at you forever. You know that.

KUSE: Problem is, I think he might be right. I have been a coward.

MARE: I wouldn't be here if I thought that, Kuse.

KUSE: You're just blinded by my looks.

MEANWHILE...


HARE: Some extinction event that was, Claire! A couple of demons who caused absolutely no harm and were slain without issue!

CLAIRE: Oh please, I was just having a little fun. Do you honestly think that I expected those demons to win the war for us?

HARE: How am I supposed to know? You never tell me anything!


CLAIRE: Okay, let's just get this out in the open right now. I know you're pissed that the big boss chose me as his point person, but how the fuck is that my fault?

HARE: I just don't understand why you can go see him, but I can't. I'm starting to think you're pulling some "Wizard of Oz" bullshit on me. Am I gonna blast into the big boss's office and see nothing but an empty chair and a voice modulator?

CLAIRE: Yeah, because trusting me really hasn't worked out well for you, right? I mean, it's not like trusting me got you out of Hell, not to mention supplied us with the tools to finally beat those goody goody assholes into submission.


HARE: I know, I know...I just don't like being a bit player.

CLAIRE: Well, if you're just bored, there are plenty of things we can do to keep busy...


CLAIRE: Like, for example, we can take turns throwing rocks at Doctor.

HARE: Sharp, heavy rocks made of radioactive material?

CLAIRE: Smoke if ya got 'em.

LATER!


WAITERBOT: So! If it isn't Santa Claus! Let it be known that the majority of us here at the circus believe that you are overrated garbage!

SANTA: And just what the hell is your problem?

WAITERBOT: I don't like Santa Clauses. I never have!


WAITERBOT: I'll be keeping an eye on you, red one. You just watch yourself.

SANTA: Yeah? Well, I'll be keeping an eye on you, too! You watch yourself!

WAITERBOT: Oh, great comeback. That was timeless.


SANTA: Who was that guy?

JAMES LIPTON: That was Waiterbot. Don't pay attention to him, he's a big jerk. He stole my hat.

SANTA: And who are you?

JAMES LIPTON: I'm James Lipton. Maybe you've heard of me?


SANTA: Wait, you're the James Lipton? What the heck are you doing here?! What kind of place is this? Who else lives here?


TIGERBOY: Hiiiiii.

HSSXXLLLO: Sup there, Santa?

SANTA: What the fuck?


SANTA: Is it too late to go back in the box?

MEANWHILE...


KNACKS: You gonna help me build this thing, or what?

CHER: Knacks, forget about the gift for a second. What's wrong with you? Why are you so mad at Kuse?

KNACKS: I don't know. I just am, okay?


CHER: Well, you're being ridiculous. You're angry all the time, you're yelling at everybody, and I think you even managed to upset Santa Claus! Santas are supposed to be unshakeable!

KNACKS: Cher, just let me be me. I haven't had a chance to just be me for a loooong time.

CHER: I know you, Knacks, and this is not you. You're not the angry type.

KNACKS: Fine, whatever, I'll build today's gift myself.


KNACKS: Looks like a Christmas tree. Hasn't been decorated yet, though. And there's no way to make it stand up straight!

CHER: Maybe yesterday's gift was a tree stand? You know, before the demons took over the box?

KNACKS: Shit, you just reminded me!


KNACKS: I forgot to send someone down here to get rid of their remains!

CHER: Okay, that's fucking gross. They're seeping!



(click here to close window)