KNACKS: Oh, him? He's Santa-X. Long story, but the gist is that one of our enemies burned 2006's Santa Claus to a crisp, until he was resurrected by one of our other enemies in 2007. Now he's a bad guy.
SANTA: So he's a prisoner of war?
KNACKS: It's more of a case of us thinking he would stab us if he wasn't locked in a cage.
SANTA: I see.
KNACKS: Santa, it's like I told you...our lives here are uh....they're a little bit complicated.
SANTA: You know, in the old days, all us Playmobil Santas had to do was come out of our boxes on Christmas Eve, play a few rounds of darts with the kids, and eat cookies.
KNACKS: Times have changed.
SANTA: Well not for the better!
SANTA: And a circus? You guys seriously live in a circus?
KNACKS: We do. We used to live in a mansion, but it was eaten by giant crabs. Ready to go inside and meet everyone?
SANTA: I'm really not sure.
MEANWHILE...
LEGOTRON: A ladder? I know we're living in a recession, but I didn't expect it to trickle all the way down to LEGO Advent Calendar gifts.
BOX: Aww, you're just being bitchy. There's nothing wrong with this ladder. Climb it and you'll see.
BOX:Now what do you think?
LEGOTRON: I think Lipton and Waiterbot can have their jobs back.
MEANWHILE...
OH GOD I LOVE YOU
SIGN MY HAND
SANTA: Knacks, who is this creature and why is he retarded?
KNACKS: That's Mista Snowman. Don't worry about him, he just really likes Christmas.
SANTA: But I don't understand...why doesn't he melt?
KNACKS: Well, to hear him tell it, he's actually composed of coconut shavings.
SANTA: Whisker shits -- this place is a madhouse! Look at these freaks!
KNACKS: Santa, don't say that. We aren't freaks.
SANTA: Are you kidding? I even see the old "man eating chicken" sideshow gag!
SANTA: Snowman, who is the leader of this outfit?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Kuse!!!!
KNACKS: What?! No, Kuse is NOT our leader! We live in a complete and total democracy...we don't have a leader.
MISTA SNOWMAN: No really though, it's Kuse!
LATER!
KUSE: Santa, I'm not sure how you snuck away from the Advent Calendar two weeks early, but we're happy to have you. We really needed a Santa Claus this year.
SANTA: So I hear! But seriously, I'm not sure if I'm up for this. See, I think a century's worth of billboards and postcards painted by third party artists has given everyone the wrong impression about us Santas. We aren't exactly "warriors."
KUSE: But Cher told us that you tore two of Hell's demons limb from limb!
SANTA: You can't really count that. I had just gotten out of my box. I was full of adrenaline.
MARE: Santa, what my husband's trying to say is that we've had a *really* crappy time since we lost our last Santa. Maybe now that you're here, everything will fall back into place!
KUSE: Mare, that's not what I was saying at all! I meant that we need him to storm Hare and Claire's secret headquarters on a suicide mission.
KNACKS: This is bullshit! This is total bullshit!
CHER: Knacks...please...don't...
KNACKS: Fuck that, Cher! I can't believe this shit!
KNACKS: Santa, you're out of your fucking mind if you take orders from that guy over there. He's not our leader. He just wants to feel important. Seriously, you're being a real fool if you take what he says as gospel.
KNACKS: You just think about that. Let's go, Cher. Some of us have real, actual work to do.
KUSE: Knacks! Jesus man, get back here!
MARE: Let him go, Kuse. He needs to sort this out himself. You know it has nothing to do with you.
MARE: Santa, listen, it's been great chatting, but can I have a few minutes alone with Kuse?
SANTA: Take your time. Frankly, I need a few minutes, too. Gotta figure out why I didn't just go home with the zombies.
MARE: He's not going to stay mad at you forever. You know that.
KUSE: Problem is, I think he might be right. I have been a coward.
MARE: I wouldn't be here if I thought that, Kuse.
KUSE: You're just blinded by my looks.
MEANWHILE...
HARE: Some extinction event that was, Claire! A couple of demons who caused absolutely no harm and were slain without issue!
CLAIRE: Oh please, I was just having a little fun. Do you honestly think that I expected those demons to win the war for us?
HARE: How am I supposed to know? You never tell me anything!
CLAIRE: Okay, let's just get this out in the open right now. I know you're pissed that the big boss chose me as his point person, but how the fuck is that my fault?
HARE: I just don't understand why you can go see him, but I can't. I'm starting to think you're pulling some "Wizard of Oz" bullshit on me. Am I gonna blast into the big boss's office and see nothing but an empty chair and a voice modulator?
CLAIRE: Yeah, because trusting me really hasn't worked out well for you, right? I mean, it's not like trusting me got you out of Hell, not to mention supplied us with the tools to finally beat those goody goody assholes into submission.
HARE: I know, I know...I just don't like being a bit player.
CLAIRE: Well, if you're just bored, there are plenty of things we can do to keep busy...
CLAIRE: Like, for example, we can take turns throwing rocks at Doctor.
HARE: Sharp, heavy rocks made of radioactive material?
CLAIRE: Smoke if ya got 'em.
LATER!
WAITERBOT: So! If it isn't Santa Claus! Let it be known that the majority of us here at the circus believe that you are overrated garbage!
SANTA: And just what the hell is your problem?
WAITERBOT: I don't like Santa Clauses. I never have!
WAITERBOT: I'll be keeping an eye on you, red one. You just watch yourself.
SANTA: Yeah? Well, I'll be keeping an eye on you, too! You watch yourself!
WAITERBOT: Oh, great comeback. That was timeless.
SANTA: Who was that guy?
JAMES LIPTON: That was Waiterbot. Don't pay attention to him, he's a big jerk. He stole my hat.
SANTA: And who are you?
JAMES LIPTON: I'm James Lipton. Maybe you've heard of me?
SANTA: Wait, you're the James Lipton? What the heck are you doing here?! What kind of place is this? Who else lives here?
TIGERBOY: Hiiiiii.
HSSXXLLLO: Sup there, Santa?
SANTA: What the fuck?
SANTA: Is it too late to go back in the box?
MEANWHILE...
KNACKS: You gonna help me build this thing, or what?
CHER: Knacks, forget about the gift for a second. What's wrong with you? Why are you so mad at Kuse?
KNACKS: I don't know. I just am, okay?
CHER: Well, you're being ridiculous. You're angry all the time, you're yelling at everybody, and I think you even managed to upset Santa Claus! Santas are supposed to be unshakeable!
KNACKS: Cher, just let me be me. I haven't had a chance to just be me for a loooong time.
CHER: I know you, Knacks, and this is not you. You're not the angry type.
KNACKS: Fine, whatever, I'll build today's gift myself.
KNACKS: Looks like a Christmas tree. Hasn't been decorated yet, though. And there's no way to make it stand up straight!
CHER: Maybe yesterday's gift was a tree stand? You know, before the demons took over the box?
KNACKS: Shit, you just reminded me!
KNACKS: I forgot to send someone down here to get rid of their remains!
