WAITERBOT: And so...December debuts to a score of impudence!
HSSXXLLLO: What are you talking about, Waiterbot?
WAITERBOT: I'm talking about YOU, continuing to waste time on that half-broken computer, trying to locate our lost comrades! They're obviously dead, anyone can see that! It's time to move on!
HSSXXLLLO: You really have no heart.
WAITERBOT: Tragedy plus time equals comedy!
HSSXXLLLO: You know damn well that we can't sit idly by while that crazy green demon is doing God knows what to our friends. If we were the ones who got kidnapped, they'd do the same for us.
WAITERBOT: Glorified roadkill, you are! We've finally found a decent place to call home, nobody is trying to kill us, and you want to ruin it with your insipid rescue party! Why risk our little slice of Babylon with such chicanery?!
WAITERBOT: We have everything we need, right here! Plenty of carrots!
WAITERBOT: ...and if those bittersweet memories of yesteryear are eating away at you, Tigerboy's lost mask is right here to try on!
WAITERBOT: For Christ's sake, can't I just have ONE peaceful December?! No villains, no giant coconut crabs, no Knacks, and NO ADVENT CALENDARS!
WAITERBOT: I am going to continue yelling until I get my way!
SANTA: Excuse me, stranger. Did you say something about...advent calendars?
WAITERBOT: Oh, so now what...you expect me to do a double-take just because you showed up? Oooh, how magical, it's Santa Claus! Ooooh!
SANTA: I have to admit...I was hoping for a little more fanfare.
WAITERBOT: Take your tired shtick elsewhere, grape! I'm wearing the corpse of one of you!
LATER!
SANTA: Look guys, I can see that you've all been through a lot, but I swear, I'm really not any of these "old" Santa Clauses you keep referring to. I'm new for 2009.
HSSXXLLLO: We're just a little confused is all, Santa. How did you find us? And more importantly, why?
SANTA: Well, I'm constantly on the patrol for rabbits who employ banal setup questions to move a story along.
HSSXXLLLO: Really?
SANTA: Not at all, actually.
SANTA: The people I work with told me to put you guys on Advent Calendar duty this year. They say you have lots of experience.
SANTA: Here's a map with directions to this year's Calendar. Don't kick it in the river.
WAITERBOT: Can you believe this, Roboclown? Does he honestly expect us to risk our lives for those worthless gifts again?! We're retired!
ROBOCLOWN: How can we say no? His cape is so authoritative!
WAITERBOT: Okay, yes, I do concede that Santa's cape is authoritative.
SANTA: Good luck, you three! Give me a call if anything goes awry!
HSSXXLLLO: Will do, Santa! What's your phone number?
SANTA: I wrote it on the bottom of the directions!
WAITERBOT: There's no phone number on those directions, is there?
HSSXXLLLO: Nope.
WAITERBOT: These Santas get shittier every year.
HSSXXLLLO: Hmmm...there's something weird about these directions...hold on a second...
HSSXXLLLO: Wait, Santa! You goofed! These directions will only take us to the LEGO Calendar! What about Playmobil?!
SANTA: Don't ask. Not now, not ever. See ya, bunny man.
HSSXXLLLO: Well guys, looks like we'll only have to worry about the LEGO Advent Calendar this year.
WAITERBOT: Don't say "well guys" as if we're all chummy, Hssxxlllo. We are so not there yet.
LATER!
HSSXXLLLO: The directions end here. This must be the LEGO Advent Calendar.
WAITERBOT: What tipped you off? Maybe the giant LEGO logos scattered all over the floor design? You're the worst!
HSSXXLLLO: Let's just grab today's gift and get back home. These Advent Calendars seem to be a beacon for trouble.
WAITERBOT: Am I supposed to be impressed that you used the word "beacon?" Be assured, I am not!
ROBOCLOWN: Today's gift appears to be a person of some sort. Should we put him together?
WAITERBOT: I'll do it. I can build anything.
HSSXXLLLO: Waiterbot, gentle hands! Be careful with those parts! Do you always have to be so rough?!
WAITERBOT: Like it's my fault that I'm incredibly powerful.
WAITERBOT: There, he's done. I hate him.
HSSXXLLLO: Are you kidding? We could use a new friend right about now.
HSSXXLLLO: What's your name, pal?
TONY: I'm Tony. Does my shirt look a little bare to you?
HSSXXLLLO: It could use an iron-on or something.
TONY: Exactly what I was thinking!
HSSXXLLLO: I'm Hssxxlllo Ussall. I used to be a bad rabbit, joined at the hip to the would-be dark goddess of Amalthea. Then I turned good and stopped being interesting. Oh, and I spent most of 2009 trapped in the body of a regular, everyday rabbit. But then I concentrated really hard and, well, here I am!
TONY: Interesting. And who's the guy with the wires popping out of his exposed skull?
HSSXXLLLO: Oh him? That's Roboclown. He's a robot...I created him. He used to be a regular human clown. We met him last year. He kept murdering our circus animals with a pitchfork, so we thought he was evil, but as it turned out, he just knew that our animals had the ability to morph into enormous coconut crabs hellbent on our destruction.
TONY: This is a lot to digest.
HSSXXLLLO: It really is. Wait until I tell you about hand energy.
TONY: Not right now, okay? Give me some time to process this. Oh, who's the other guy? The one who put me together?
WAITERBOT: Do not ask questions about me as if I'm not sitting here right behind you!
