HSSXXLLLO: I can't believe this, Jet! I can't believe you're really here, in my house! This is so amazing!
JET: And the best part is, I'm essentially homeless, so I can stay here forever!
HSSXXLLLO: Now we can spend our nights watching bad movies without feeling like we're wasting your precious vacation time!
JET: Exactly!
HARE: So...Waiterbot.
WAITERBOT: Soooo....Hare.
ROBOCLOWN: Well, this is awkward.
WAITERBOT: I have something that needs to be said.
ROBOCLOWN: Waiterbot, don't...
WAITERBOT: Quiet, clown! This does not concern you!
WAITERBOT: My quarrel is with you, Winningham.
CLAIRE: Me?! Why me?!
WAITERBOT: Because I am not some lame goldfish, and my memory surpasses that of a thirty-second time limit!
CLAIRE: What are you talking about?!
WAITERBOT: I remember 2004!
CLAIRE: Oh, that? You mean when I gave you your first body, but didn't tell you that it'd give me all sorts of mental powers over you? Fine, if I need to make amends...I apologize.
WAITERBOT: I want you to apologize in French.
CLAIRE: "Pardonne-moi."
WAITERBOT: Thank you, but we're not quite finished.
WAITERBOT: Now I want YOU to apologize!
HARE: Me?!! I barely even know you!
WAITERBOT: I want you to apologize for being a big, stinking rabbit who drags bad odors and indescribable pellets of shit wherever you go!
HARE: You dare insult me?! Hare Winningham?! In three seconds flat, I could turn you into a pile of bloodied, severed limbs...pushing your insignificant soul into the bowels of Hell, where my fallen allies will torment it for all of time!
CLAIRE: Hare, stop! We agreed that we weren't going to do this!
HARE: But Claire!
CLAIRE: Just apologize!
HARE: Ugh...FINE. I apologize for being a big, stinking rabbit...who smells...and who leaves rabbit shit everywhere.
ROBOCLOWN: Waiterbot, I think that's enough.
WAITERBOT: Just one more piece of business, Roboclown...
WAITERBOT: CHARLES YOU ASSHOLE! You're supposed to be behind me, translating everything I say into sign language! You lazy, vile shitbag!
LATER!
HSSXXLLLO: Well this is nice, isn't it? It's kind of like a picnic!
JET: Yeah...an indoors picnic!
HSSXXLLLO: The very first one ever!
HSSXXLLLO: So, Hare and Claire...I think we need to address the elephant in the room. You gotta tell us where Arcano is hiding.
HARE: Oh boy...Arcano. Remember him, Claire?
CLAIRE: Yup...that's the bastard who ditched us and left me with a bum hand and you with a scorched ear! And he still hasn't paid us!
CLAIRE: Look guys, we had no idea that Arcano's plans were that twisted. That whole undercurrent of a rape plot...seriously, we just thought he was out to kill you, like us!
HARE: ...and we know he kidnapped your buddies, but he bailed on us last December and we haven't seen him since.
WAITERBOT: Are we seriously supposed to believe this shit?
HSSXXLLLO: Yeah ladies, I have to say, I'm not sure that any of us are really buying this.
CLAIRE: Jesus Christ, do you really think I'd have this stump for a hand if we were still hanging out with Arcano? You know he gave me my legs back...would he really want one of his charges to go about their misdeeds with this stupid broken hand?
HARE: Guys...we don't have the answers you're looking for.
CLAIRE: Yeah, and we didn't come here to fight. We were bored, it seemed interesting, and here we are.
HSSXXLLLO: Well, they sound like they're telling the truth.
WAITERBOT: They've mastered dishonesty! You know very well that we cannot trust a word they say!
HSSXXLLLO: I need to think on this, okay? Let's clear our heads at the Advent Calendar.
LATER!
HSSXXLLLO: Everyone, welcome to the 2009 LEGO Advent Calendar!
CLAIRE: Ah, wow, I don't know if I've ever even seen the LEGO version before!
HSSXXLLLO: It's not as good, trust me.
CLAIRE: Man, it feels weird to be at an Advent Calendar. It's been so long!
HARE: Same here, sis. Actually, the last time I saw one of these babies was in 2007!
HARE: You remember, don't you Hssxxlllo? We used most of the gifts for clandestine voodoo rituals and all sorts of murderous shit!
HSSXXLLLO: Yeah I uh...I'm gonna go find today's gift.
JET: Wow, Hssxxlllo! I can't believe that you actually build people for a living!
HSSXXLLLO: Well, we don't always get people, and technically, I don't get paid...but yeah, I still feel pretty blessed.
CLAIRE: Hey rabbit, gimme that head -- I wanna put it on the body!
HSSXXLLLO: Claire, cut it out! What are you doing?!
CLAIRE: Oh COME ON, I never get to do anything exciting! Let me put the head on!
HSSXXLLLO: Claire, stop it! You're gonna make me mess up!
CLAIRE: Oops.
HSSXXLLLO: Great, see what you made me do?
CLAIRE: Wow, look at it roll!
WAITERBOT: Hmmm...dinner tonight. Chicken or steak? The age old question. Perhaps I will be a piggy and eat both.
WAITERBOT: Huh?
WAITERBOT: ....
WAITERBOT: FUCK. YOU. CHARLES.
WAITERBOT: THIS CANNOT COME TO PASS!
WAITERBOT: Hssxxlllo, throw it away! The head is obviously cursed!
HSSXXLLLO: Do you think this could actually be him? Could it really be James Lipton?
WAITERBOT: We cannot afford to know! Discard the head...discard it now!
HSSXXLLLO: There you go, buddy. Are you James Lipton?
SAM: James Lipton? You mean like...from TV?
SAM: I'm Sam Preston. I'm a construction worker. I talk like dis.
HSSXXLLLO: Whoops. Sorry about that, Sam. You look just like an old friend of ours.
WAITERBOT: Oh thank fucking Christ.
HSSXXLLLO: Oh well, I figured it was too good to be true. Let's go home.
WAITERBOT: I said that I didn't believe in God yesterday. I take it back.
JET: Hssxxlllo, you're really good at building LEGO guys.
HSSXXLLLO: Thank you, Jet!
JET: Maybe you could teach me sometime?
HSSXXLLLO: Oh I absolutely will!
MISTA SNOWMAN: I didn't get to say a single fucking word today.
MISTA SNOWMAN: It's fucking bullshit when you get right down to it.
MISTA SNOWMAN: I'm going to sing forever when we get home.
