HARE: Cheap wine, insipid music, tacky decorations...what exactly is this nonsense intended to represent?

CLAIRE: It's a Christmas party, Hare! Just like in the movies!


HARE: Well it all seems rather uncouth and juvenile if you ask me.

CLAIRE: That's pretty much the point. Let's get drunk!


SANTA: Roboclown, my old compadre! Why aren't you drinking?!

ROBOCLOWN: Because I'm a robot. Robots can't drink.

SANTA: Really? Wow, I'd never want to be a robot, then.

ROBOCLOWN: Appreciate that, Santa.


MISTA SNOWMAN: Isn't this the most awesomenest awesome party in awesome history, Waiterbot?

WAITERBOT: It is not! Look at these foul creatures! I tell you, the whole lot of them are nothing but delinquent cows!


WAITERBOT: Guzzling wine and spirits as if they were being paid to do it! They have no self-control and no shame!


WAITERBOT: If it weren't for our complete and total lack of telephones, I'd call the police on these myriad offenders.

MISTA SNOWMAN: But Waiterbot, it's a Christmas party! Everyone's supposed to be silly and stupid and boozed out of their minds.

WAITERBOT: Hmmm. You may be right, snowman.


WAITERBOT: Charles you brainless tablefucker! Why aren't you drinking?!

SMITH: Sorry, sir.


JET: Wow, Hssxxlllo! You sure bought a lot of cheese!

HSSXXLLLO: I know, I can't stand planning parties. I always get so worried that things aren't going to go right, and end up spending way too much. I must've blown $300 on cheese alone!

JET: Yeah, there's definitely a lot of it. But no cheddar?

HSSXXLLLO: Fuck!!


HSSXXLLLO: Uncle Milton! Tony! Stop hogging all of the chicken, there are other hungry people here! Be GOOD guests! I need you to be GOOD guests!


HSSXXLLLO: Okay, I need to calm down. I shouldn't be this stressed out during a party.

JET: Yeah, seriously, chill. Want a massage?


HARE: Hssxxlllo! I've been looking all over for you.

HSSXXLLLO: What's up, Hare?

HARE: Claire and I are going to the LEGO Advent Calendar. We'll see you later.

HSSXXLLLO: Wait, what?! You're leaving already? The party's barely started!


HARE: Hssxxlllo, you've known me for how long? Do you really expect me to blend in with the kind of crowd who would take part in a Christmas conga line?

HSSXXLLLO: Hrm, well...I guess I don't.


HSSXXLLLO: Sorry, Hare. I tried to make the party fun for everyone, but you and Claire are a tough sell.

HARE: It's fine. We'll be back later.

HSSXXLLLO: Can you pick up some more soda on the way home?

HARE: I wouldn't say that it's likely.

MEANWHILE...


KUSE: See, the problem with solar power is that it's totally reliant on the sun. If there's no sun, there's no solar power. So I'll just never understand technologies that depend on solar power exclusively...the risk/reward ratio is all sorts of fucked up.


KUSE: Anyway, when I was twelve, I stepped on a thumbtack and totally exaggerated how much it hurt. I was acting like I walked onto a land mine, and it was just some stupid little tack! I swear, it's embarrassing to think about even now.


MARE: I don't know how much longer he can keep this up, Knacks.

KNACKS: Well, he'll figure it out! This limestone is breaking down pretty good...it can't be too much longer now.


KNACKS: You know, we're going through all of this trouble, and we don't even know what's on the other side on this wall. Arcano could be sitting right there, waiting to kill us.

MARE: See, that's the type of thing you should think about before trying to sell us on breaking down walls, Knacks.

KNACKS: Sorry.

LATER!


WAITERBOT: Thanks for the pour, Santa.

SANTA: No problem. Tis the season for sharing, after all!

WAITERBOT: Yeah.


WAITERBOT: Now, to find myself a nice, quiet seat.

SANTA: Hold on, Waiterbot! Where are ya going?!


SANTA: I thought we could chat it up for a few minutes! We've barely had a chance to get acquainted!

WAITERBOT: Santa, I'll be frank. I wanted more champagne, but I have absolutely no interest in conversing with you.

SANTA: Ouch.

WAITERBOT: I find that it's best to be straightforward and honest in situations like these. Please, never speak to me again.


HOLDING HAM


MISTA SNOWMAN: Sam Preston, look at you! It's the greatest Christmas party in the history of history, and you're just sitting there all by yourself!

SAM: But I'm not by myself. I'm with Fred, an old colleague. Fred is invisible.


SAM: ...Fred is helping me determine the proper moment to shed myself of falsehoods and obliterate my adversaries with the rapid oxidation of combustible materials.


SAM: ...Fred has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.


JET: This is a really great party, Hssxxlllo. You did an incredible job.

HSSXXLLLO: Thanks, Jet! But what's with the apple juice?

JET: Oh man, I'm still way too off-center from yesterday to even think about drinking.


HSSXXLLLO: Listen Jet, I've kind of been wanting to tell you something, and...uh...

JET: It's cool, Hssxxlllo. I think we both know by now, right?


JET: Your hand feels like the inside of a padded winter glove.

HSSXXLLLO: Thank you Jet!


WAITERBOT: Hmmm, what's this Swiss cheese nonsense? I hate Swiss cheese! Gourmands say that it tastes "nutty," but I share no such opinion! This isn't nutty...it's unadulterated crap!


WAITERBOT: In fact, I'd dare say that Swiss cheese is...uh...is...


WAITERBOT: ....


WAITERBOT: Looking at those two is indisputable proof that my past misdeeds had their consequences. I am in Hell.


WAITERBOT: I miss Waiterbetty. :(

MEANWHILE...


CLAIRE: Hare, I know, I get it. You hate being here, you hate being "good," blah blah blah. We've been through this.

HARE: I just don't understand how you're able to put up with it! Strictly speaking, you're supposed to be even worse than I am!

CLAIRE: Don't you forget it, sister.


CLAIRE: The thing is...I'm tired. I've been up to no good for five years straight. It's taxing. Exhausting. I need a break.

HARE: Look, you know I'll follow you anywhere...just promise me that we aren't through being who we really are.

CLAIRE: Hah, never!


CLAIRE: Anyway, who are you, new guy?

MOE: I'm Cagey Cajun Moe! I enjoy the wild side of things! Dirty dancing, fireworks...fringe rock!

CLAIRE: I see.


MOE: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


CLAIRE: Wow, that felt good.

HARE: Does this mean what I think it means, Claire?

CLAIRE: We'll see, sister. We'll see.



(click here to close window)