SANTA: Ugh. When Mare and Kuse told me that they were "too busy" to run this year's Advent Calendar, I tried to be understanding. They said they'd send "one of their best" to help out, and I believed them.
MISTA SNOWMAN: What's your point, Santa?
SANTA: I was hoping they'd send someone who was little more, uh, qualified.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Claus, with all due respect! I am qualified! I was born on an Advent Calendar! I'm Mista Snowman!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Doesn't the ham look like a sideways lady blossom?
SANTA: Let's set some ground rules. I need to make sure that you're taking this job seriously.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Oh boy, wow. I cannot stress this enough: I have never taken ANYTHING more seriously than I'm taking this right now.
SANTA: Prove it. Put down the ham.
MISTA SNOWMAN: I will but later.
SANTA: Advent Calendars are a tough business, Mista Snowman. I know it sounds easy, but there are all sorts of intangibles that can royally fuck things up. You have to be careful, and you need to treat this opportunity with respect.
SANTA: Do you understand what I'm driving at here, Mista Snowman?
MISTA SNOWMAN: I believe I do. You're saying that you prefer Amy Grant's version of Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree to Brenda Lee's. And you know what, Santa? I do too.
SANTA: Follow me, icy heathen! To the Advent Calendar we go!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Ohmigod ohmigod OHMIGOD.
SANTA: Well, here it is! Factory fresh, and ready to fill your world with equal parts hope and danger!
SANTA: Each day, you are to come here, locate that day's corresponding gift box, fetch the present, and bring it back home.
MISTA SNOWMAN: You mean my home, or your home? Or are we talking about that weird barn you set me up in?
SANTA: The weird barn.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Want less questions? Be more specific!
SANTA: Mista Snowman, it's December 1st! Go and find that first box!
MISTA SNOWMAN: I can and will do this, Santa! You just watch!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Hey wait, before I go...can I make one small request?
MISTA SNOWMAN: When I die, promise me that you will sever my head, attach it a hook, and use it as a gigantic ball ornament?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Okay now I'll go find the gift!
SANTA: Jesus Christ. They could've at least sent the robot clown.
MISTA SNOWMAN: You. Are not. Going to BELIEVE. What's in this box.
SANTA: A sleigh?
MISTA SNOWMAN: No.
SANTA: A Christmas tree?
MISTA SNOWMAN: It's somehow even more Christmassy than a Christmas tree!
WEANLING UNGULATE
MISTA SNOWMAN: What should we name him?
SANTA: How about Clyde? You know, like a Clydesdale?
MISTA SNOWMAN: "Clyde" sounds like a brooding rebel from a gothic romance. This horse isn't that! Santa, you're supposed to be good at naming horses!
SANTA: It looks like you're all set. I'm gonna hit the road.
MISTA SNOWMAN: You mean you're leaving?!
SANTA: What, you thought I planned to stay here with you all month? I could've just done the Advent Calendar myself, then!
SANTA: Good luck, kiddo. Remember what I said: Be careful!
MISTA SNOWMAN: But Santa! You didn't even show me the LEGO Advent Calendar yet!
SANTA: Don't worry about that. Just handle the one I gave you for now.
MISTA SNOWMAN: SANTA I WAS PROMISED TWO CALENDARS!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Well Horsey, this is our home. It's a little bare. Santa didn't give me much time to unpack.
MISTA SNOWMAN: I can't believe that I have an entire Advent Calendar, all to myself! You ever see Home Alone 2? I feel like I'm Kevin, and the Advent Calendar is my whole cheese pizza.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Do you like pizza, Horsey?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Tell you what. If you like pizza, just don't say anything.
