Homestar Wars by Have_A_Trophy From the Homestar boards -- 5/24/03
	--------------------- HOMESTAR WARS --------------------- Part 1: A New Homestar It is a period of general crappiness The evil STRONGBADIAN EMPIRE maintains it's iron grip on the galaxy - even with THOSE BOXING GLOVES on. Only one force stands in this Empire's way - the Webew Awwiance, led by PRINCESS MARZIPANA. They might not be around for very long, though, because the dark Strong lord of the Empire, DARTHBAD, has just developed a secret weapon with the power to destroy entire planets. (It was mainly developed to blow up all the people who e-mail DARTHBAD about his BOXING GLOVES, but it also works for blowing up entire planets.) But wait! PRINCESS MARZIPANA has stolen the secret FLOPPY DISK needed for the secret weapon to operate. Now DARTHBAD and his army of STRONGTROOPERS are pursuing PRINCESS MARZIPANA. So, before you're BORED OUT OF YOUR SKULL any more, let's begin the REAL STORY... http://techneaux.mine.nu:81/~stcp/HomestarWars. ::the parody opens with an exterior shot of Princess Marzipana's guitar-shaped spaceship, the "Carol", flying through space. Another, much larger, spaceship soon flies into view behind the "Carol". This spaceship is vaguely guitar-shaped, and the Strongbadian flag is emblazoned upon it. As this ship descends on the "Carol", we cut to "Carol"'s entrance hallway. Here we see five Webels, played by the chef, knight, blacksmith, messenger, and trumpet player from "The King of Town", shaking in their boots while aiming their laser guns at the door. Suddenly, the door opens, revealing Darthbad, played by Strongbad.:: Darthbad: (lifts his fists into the air) Psssshhh! ::the Webews are knocked off their feet by an invisible force:: Darthbad: the double deuce! Gets 'em every time. ::Darthbad walks into the hallway, followed by several Strongtroopers, all of which are played by Strongmad. Darthbad grabs Webew #1 (the chef) by the neck and dangles him in the air.:: Darthbad: okay, enough playing around. Hand over the floppy disk, and I may only beat the crap out of you. Webew #1: I... don't know... what you're... talking about! This is... a baked good ship! Darthbad: if this is a baked goods ship, WHERE ARE THE SWISS CAKE ROLLS? Webew #1: In... the... fridge... ::Darthbad crushes the Webew's neck anyways:: Darthbad: Whoops! Sorry about that. I've just got butterfingers, man. (turning to the Strongtroopers) Hey, go get me some of those swiss cake rolls from their fridge! Strongtroopers: (all at once, creating an echo effect) NO! YOU GET ME A SWISS ROOOOOOLL! Darthbad: (shaking his head) Ugh... what was I thinking when I cloned that guy? ::We now cut deeper into "Carol", where we find Princess Marzipana (played by Marzipan) and two robots, P0M-P0M (played by Pom Pom) and M-arshie (played by Marshie):: Marzipana: It looks like those mean imperial troops have finally caught up with me. P0M-P0M, only you can save the rebellion! Here, take this floppy disk (hands P0M-P0M a disk) and this message (hands P0M-P0M a message console that looks suspiciously like Marzipan's Answering Machine). Can you take them to the planet below, and give them to the guy with a purple hat and a weird voice? P0M-P0M: *bubble* *beep* *bubble* *bubble* *beep* Marzipana: umm... I don't know what that means, but I knew I could count on you! ::P0M-P0M somehow winks with his single eye, and Marzipan presses a button which opens a hole below the round robot, dropping him towards the planet:: M-arshie: you know, I think I'll stay with you Princess! S'right, nothing will be able to keep us apart! We'll stick together like Fluffypuff Marshmallows, through troubled times and sleepy-times! You won't be able to get me away from you with a crowbar! How'z about that? (winks) Marzipana: um... maybe you should go too. ::Marzipana presses a button which causes M-arshie to drop through the floor like P0M-P0M. Just as M-arshie exits, the Strongtroopers burst into the room.:: Strongtrooper #1: HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEEEEEM!!! Marzipana: But, I don't... have... (shifts uncomfortably) Strongtrooper #1: OHHHH. (pause) NEVER MIIIIND!!! ::The Strongtroopers crowd around Marzipana, and the scene fades away to Planet Strapsanpractice, a world covered in sand. Here we see Home Skyrunner, played by Homestar Runner, standing alone amidst clouds of dust.:: Homesky: (sigh) It's so duww wiving hewe on pwanet Stwapsanpwactice. Aww thewe evew is is sand, sand, and sand... oh, cool! Is that some sand? ::Homesky runs a bit off screen, and returns looking dejected, carrying a jewel encrested treasure chest:: Homesky: Nah, it's just some piece of junk. (throws the chest off screen) So... whewe was I? Oh yeah. It's sooo bowing hewe! ::P0M-P0M and M-arshie crash into the sand near Homesky.:: Homesky: Oh, hey guys. Thanks fow dwopping in. M-arshie: Well, hey yourself, buddy! I'm M-arshie! Capital M, and then, arshie! I've been programmed in over nine thousand forms of subliminal advertisement, primarally for Fluffypuff Marshallows! (aside) Try 'em, kids. They're the best! (non-aside) And that's P0M-P0M, the balloon-bot, I guess. We're here to deliver a secret message, that may or may not deal with secret eating, to a guy with a purple hat and a weird voice. Homesky: And I am Home Skywunnew. I'm hewe because, about ten yeaws ago, my mom sent me to the stowe, to get some milk, and I decided to take a shortcut through this big sandbox, see, and... uh... weww, I guess that's it. P0M-P0M: *beep beep bubble bleep bubble bubble whistle* M-arshie: P0M-P0M wants to know if you've seen that guy we mentioned. He says the guy's called Coachzee Wan Kenoachzee. Does that ring a bell? Homesky: Ummm... no, but maybe she means old Banannacakes Kenoachzee. He wives ovew thewe. ::Homesky looks towards an ominous looking canyon covered with skull-and-crossbones symbols:: Homesky: Come on, wet's go this way and ask him! P0M-P0M: (urgently) *bubble boop beep bubble whistle beep* M-arshie: Nonsense, P0M-P0M! We're going this waaaay! ::M-arshie blasts towards the canon using rockets on his bottom, and is followed by Homesky and P0M-P0M:: M-arshie: (echoing from within the canyon) This is gonna be great! -great! -great! Text on Screen: LATER... ::We see Homesky, M-arshie, and P0M-P0M trekking through the Canyon.:: M-arshie: Hey, pal! Are you sure you know where we're going? We've been wandering around for hours and all we've found is skeletons and warning symbols! Homesky: Aw, c'mon, guys! You know I'd nevew get wost, wight? P0M-P0M: *frightened beeps and bubbles* M-arshie: Oh, hush you! I'm supposed to be the scared one in this parody, and all I've done is advertise Fluffpuff Marshmallows and All-Marshmallow Mayonnaise! (aside, singing) Maaaade from the beeest stuuuuff... ::Tiny creatures that look like brown Unguraits crawl into the opening from behind the canyon walls, slowly moving in on the three companions:: Homesky: Awww! It's these widdwe guys! See how cute they awe! "Ungurait" #1: (cute-sounding jibberish) {SUBTITLE: Kill the big white one and sell the others into slavery!} ::The brown Unguraits slowly close in on the trio, pulling out their guns:: Homesky: Uh-oh... this does not wook good for Home Skywunner. ::Just as the brown Unguraits prepare to fire, a cry shoots out from deeper in the canyon:: Cry: JEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOORWAAAAAAAAS! "Ungurait" #2: (cute-sounding jibberish) {SUBTITLE: We've been ID'd! Run for it!} ::The brown Unguraits flee back to where they came from. A cloaked figure walks into the opening. It's Coachzee Wan Kenoachzee, played by Coach Z:: Coachzee: You okay there, boys? I see the JEEEAAARWAS almost had ya. Homesky: Yeah, we'we gweat, thanks to you, Banannacakes! Coachzee: Er... Homesky, my name's not Banannacakes. It's Coachzee. Coachzee Wan Kenoachzee. Homesky: Ohhh... wight, wight. I was thinking of that guy. ::Homesky indicates towards a tumble-weed blowing by. There is a several-second pause.:: P0M-P0M: *beep bubble beep blorp bubble* Homesky: Oh, wight. They've got some kinda message fow you, Coachzee! Coachzee: Oh, they do? Well, show it to me in my orffice! ::Cut to a very out of place locker room:: Coachzee: Now, what seems to be the prablem? M-arshie: We have a message for you! Show him, P0M-P0M! ::P0M-P0M gives Coachzee the message machine. Coachzee presses a button on the machine, and a tiny holographic Princess Marzipana appears:: Marzipana Hologram: (cheerfully) Hi, this is Marzipana. I'm sittin' in my ship... gettin' invaded by the empire... they're gonna take me to the Depresstar... please come and rescue me. *BEEP* ::The hologram disappears:: Homesky: Wow, that giwl wooks weiwd. (Homesky looks hard at something behind the camera) What? Oh. She's the most beautiful giwl in the gawaxeeee. Coachzee: Holy smokes! My old friend Princess Marzipana is in trouble! (hands the messenger to Homesky) Now, how can I possibly rescue her without... (notices that Homestar is holding the messenger without hands) JUMPIN JAERHOSOMFOOX! HOW ARE YOU HOLDIN' THAT MESSENGER WITHOUT ANY ARMS? Homesky: I dunno. But isn't it gweat? Coachzee: My boy, I believe that you can wield the powers of the farce! Homesky: Uh... what? Coachzee: I say ya can use the FYAAAERCE! Homesky: I can use the what? Coachzee: The FYOOOAAYYYEEERCE! Homesky: I'm... not suwe I fowwow you. Coachzee: Ah, I'll explain it to ya later. Right now, we've got a ship to catch! ::We cut to the interior of another spaceship. Here we see Princess Marzipana being held by Strongtroopers in front of Darthbad. To the left of them is a window into space, through which a planet can be seen. To the right of them is a computer station with a normal keyboard and a huge screen. Farmiliar green lines continuously wipe across the screen.:: Darthbad: So, Princess Marzipana! We finally meet... aboard my SUPER SECRET BATTLESTATION! Marzipana: You mean the Depresstar? Darthbad: Argh! How did you know that? Marzipana: The Webew Awwiance hacked into your systems, dummy! Which wasn't hard, because they were really outdated! Darthbad: Shut up! Marzipana: I mean, the only reason we were able to get the disk is because you still run this station with a Tandy 400... Darthbad: I SAID SHUT UUUP! (pouting) I like that computer... (normal again) Now, tell us where the floppy disk is, Princess, or your home planet of Hippotamia will be blown off the map... er, the space map... chart... whatever. Marzipana: What? But I thought you needed that floppy disk to destroy any planets! Darthbad: Are you kidding me? That disk's much more important than that... sure, it contains the diagram of the Depresstar, but it's also my Temple of Apshai disk! AND IF I CAN'T EXPLORE THE TEMPLE OF APSHAI, NOBODY WILL! (walks up to keyboard) Tell me where the disk is, or your whole planet will pay! Marzipana: Oh no... fine, I sent the disk to Planet Strapsanpractice with two robots. Darthbad: Aha! That's great! Thank you for cooperating Ms. Marzi-whoops! ::Darthbad "accidentally" hits one of the keys on the keyboard. The planet outside the ship can be seen exploding. The words "PLANET DELETED" appear on the computer screen.:: Darthbad: Oh, how clumsy of me. I've just got butterfingers today, man. (snigger) Marzipana: (gasp) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... ::Princess Marzipana yells "NOOOOO", as Darthbad and the Strongtroopers chuckle diabolically, for about half a minute. We then cut back to Planet Strapsanpractice, where Homesky, Coachzee, and the robots have reached their destination - a lone, deserted-looking concession stand. A bit of moss grows on one side.:: Coachzee: *shaking his head* Ugh... it's like a hippie just cried "no" for thirty seconds, and then suddenly... collapsed from a lack of orxegen. Oh, take a look, there, Homesky! We've arrived at Moss Concession Stand. A more terrible hive of scum and disease has never existed! ::Bub Solo, played by Bubs, pops out from behind the stand:: Bub: 'ey, why don't you come over here and say that? Homesky: Oh, hello! I'm Home Skywunew. Bub: And I'm Bub Solo! The meanest space pirate ever to make the Swiss Cake run in under an hour! (pause) I also sell snocones! (picks up some snocones) Can I interest you in any? They're just twenty-fahv cents a piece! M-arshie: Forget him, guys! Why spend our money on anything else when we can spend it on Fluff- ::P0M-P0M covers M-arshie's mouth):: Coachzee: Well, actually, Bub, we were lookin' to take a ride in yer spaceship there! Bub: Oh. Well, in that case, it's twenty-six cents a passenger! Where are you guys headed? M-arshie: (wriggles out of P0M-P0M's grasp) Dangerous Strongbadian territory to rescue a captive Webew Princess! Bub: Uh... I say twenty-six cents? I meant... twenty-six... thousand... dollars. Coachzee: Hey, money's no orbject! (aside to Homesky) I'm sure the Princess will give us the dough to pay this guy orff. Homesky: Weawwy? Can I poke the dough when she gives it to us? I bet it'll make a funny noise, wike, "hoo-hoo!" Coachzee: Ah... sure. If that's yer bag, man. Bub: C'mon, guys, I'll show you the ship. ::Bubs walks off-screen, followed by the others. They see Bub's ship, which is basically the gremlin from the first Halloween toon with a big rocket engine taped to it. There's also another piece of tape on it with brown hairs sticking to it.:: Bub: I call it the Millemiun Gremliun! It's hopped up on some sweet antigravity thrusters, a light speed fission reactor, a rocket engine, and some fat tires! Homesky: Cool! I weawwy wike the scotch tape. Whewe awe those bwown haiws from, though? Bub: Oh... that's from when I taped my pal, the Cheatbacca, to the Millemium Gremlium. He wasn't too into that. ::The Cheatbacca, played by The Cheat walks out of the ship, missing a patch of fur on his back.:: The Cheatbacca: (grumpily) Myaaaaah... Bub: Well, let's get going! Homesky: I caww shotgu~un! ::Bub, The Cheatbacca, Coachzee, Homesky, and the robots all jump into the spaceship, and blast off into space. We then switch to the interior of the ship, which is unrealistically larger than the Gremlin exterior. Bub is piloting the ship, while M-arshie and P0M-P0M play a game of holo-jenga against The Cheatbacca, and Coachzee sits with Homesky.:: Coachzee: Now that we've finally got some time t' spare, let me explain the fyaarce to yeh. Homesky: But I don't know what you mean by- Coachzee: Look, the name's not important! The only thing that's important is that you've got special powers you can use with your mind. With my help, you can learn to master those powers and become a Jorji night! Homesky: Coow! What kind of powers? Can I fly? Coachzee: No, but- Homesky: Ow light myself on fiwe? Coachzee: Well, you can't- Homesky: Ow shoot beams of power from my sword when my heawts awe fuww? Coachzee: NO! Just listen fer a sec, Homesky! With my help, you'll be able to move things - to a greater extent than you can now - with your mind. You'll be able control people's thoughts... oh yeah, speaking of that... (makes a hand motion towards Bub) We already paid you! Bub: Hey, you guys! You already paid me! Coachzee: (turning back to Homesky) You can also use a leet-saber. 'Course, you don't really need yer mind for that one, so... actually I think that's what we should work on first. Here, let me show you my leet saber skills! ::Coachzee removes his trademark "Z" pendant from his body and presses down on it. A green energy blade shoots out of it's top. Coachzee does some fancy swordplay with his leet-saber, presses down on it again, and the blade retracts. Coachzee tosses a more conventional "leet saber" to Homesky - I.E., just a short gray metal tube with a button.:: Coachzee: Here, now you try! Homesky: (ignites the leet saber and swings it around a little bit) Wow, Coachzee! It's just gweat! And I know exactly what I want to do with it fiwst! ::Homesky sends the leet saber flying directly into M-arshie's face, scrapping him. This causes the Cheatbacca to dive out of the way screaming, and P0M-P0M to chuckle in beeps and bubbles.:: Coachzee: Eh? But why, Homesky? Homesky: (angrily) I hate that fweakin' wobot. Coachzee: Well, I can't blame yeh. Still, be careful with that blade! It once belonged to yer father... when he was my Jorji pupil... before my other pupil turned to the Strong side, and killed him! Homesky: What? You knew my fathew? Coachzee: No, not really, but that sounded more dramatic than "it cost me a fortune at radio shack". I did have a pupil that turned to the Strong side, though. The Strong side is the evil side of the fyarce. It drives the impatient and lazy to abandon the path of righteousness for extra power. Homesky: I undewstand Coachzee. But... which side is stwongew? The good side, or the Stwong side? ::There is a pause for a few seconds as Coachzee stares at Homesky akwardly. We then switch to an exterior shot of their ship, flying through space. Suddenly, several Strongbadian Arrow Fighters appear. They look like the "Arrowed" guy's head with TIE fighter "wings", and their laser fire resembles arrows. They shoot at the Millemiun Gremliun.:: SAF #1: (quickly) SURRENDER THE TEMPLE OF APSHAI OR BE ARROOOOWED!!! ::We cut back into the Gremliun's interior:: Bub: Sweet popsicles on a stick! We've got Strongbadian ships on our tail! Time to make a jump to lightspeed. Everyone hold on to something! ::Everybody does, except for Homesky.:: Homesky: Weww, I'm alweady howding this weet sabew, so... ::They go into light speed mode, shooting through space at a blinding speed. When they stop, everyone seems normal, except for Homesky, who is now quite short from being hurled head first into the back of the ship at the speed of light.:: Bub: Whew! You okay there, Homesky! Homesky: (cheerfully, but dizzily) I'm gonna thwoh uuuup! ::Through the window of the window of the ship, we can see a gray sphere not too far away:: Bub: Huh, I used the coordinates you gave me, but all ah seem to have come to is a small, elephantine moon! Coachzee: That's not an elephantine moon... it's an elephantine battle station! Bub: (gasps, then shrugs) Ah, same difference. ::We switch to an exterior shot. As the ship draws closer, we can make out that the Depresstar is played by Strongsad:: Depresstar: I'm saaad because I'm floating. ::The M.G. gets sucked inside of the Despresstar. We cut to the inside of the Depresstar, where our heros have already hopped out.:: P0M-POM: *beep bubble bubble bloop bloop* Homesky: P0M-P0M says the floppy disk he has contains a map of the space-ewephant's bottom! Coachzee: Good, then we'll follow his directions to the princess' cell! ::Our heros begin to walk through a door leading deeper into the ship, but they're stopped in their tracks by the laser fire of Strongtroopers coming from behind them:: Homesky: Uh-oh, it's the bwothers Stwongtwoopew! Stwongtwooper, Stwongtwoopew, Stwongtwoopew, Stwongtwoopew, Stwongtwooper, and Stwo- Bub: No time to name names, Homesky! We gotta shake a leg! Coachzee: You guys go ahead! I'll hold 'em orff! (leaps towards the Strongtroopers, igniting his leet saber) YOOOAAAERRR!!!! Homesky: You heawd the man! Let's make wike a twee and... um... wun away! ::Everyone leaves the room except Coachzee, who continues to lay the smack-down on the Strongtroopers. Soon, Darthbad himself walks out:: Darthbad: Oh, brother! You again? Coachzee: There you are, my former pupil! Darthbad: Former pupil...? Jeeze, man, I just swiped your lessons on tape and one of your spare leet sabers! I fail to see the connection! But if you mess with the Strongtroopers... (ignites a leet saber that looks like a big knife) ...you mess with me! ::As the two Jorjis charge towards eachother, we cut to another hallway in the Depresstar. Here, our other heroes are met with a fork in the road.:: Bub: Which way does he want us to go now, Homesky? P0M-P0M: *beep bubble bubble* Homesky: Uh... I think he says left. P0M-P0M: (urgently, shaking his head) *bubble beep whistle* Homesky: Of couwse I'm sure! Who's the one weading the diwections hewe, little man? ::They all head to the left, and as they do, part of the floor gives way, dropping them into a pile of gooey trash:: The Cheatbacca: Myaaah? Myern nyerm myeh? Bub: Yeah, you got us lost, Homesky! Homesky: Oops. Sowwy guys. Guess we'll just have to wait hewe 'til we can be wescued. ::there is a short pause, and then the walls begin to slowly move.:: Bub: The walls are closing in on us!!! Homesky: We'we sa~aved! The Cheatbacca: MYAAAAH!!! ::The Cheatbacca picks Homesky up with previously unseen strength and wedges him between the walls, halting their movement. Homesky: Oof... hey, guys? This is kind of uncomfowtable... Bub: Well, how will we ever get out of this mess? The Cheatbacca: Myeh, mya neh mer nya mah! Bub: Huh? You think that'll really work? ::We cut back to the fight between Coachzee and Darthbad. Darthbad is exhibiting great swordplay skill, but he just can't hit Coachzee:: Darthbad: Stop dodging! You're just scared to face me cause you know I'm the greatest Jorji ever to live! Coachzee: You stare, you glare, you try to compare me, but ya can't get near me! Darthbad: And quit with those oldschool rap references! They're annoying! Coachzee: This 'Zee makes suckers stop breathin'! Darthbad: AAAARGH! ::We switch back to Homesky and company, who are now safely outside of the trash compactor, wandering around some jail cells.:: Homesky: Wow, I still can't believe how we got out of that one! Bub: Yeah, nice going, the Cheatbacca! Cheatbacca: myahhh... (blushes) P0M-P0M: *boop beep bubble* (points to a cell, which contains Princess Marzipana) Bub: Oh, snap! That must be her! Hold on a sec, I'll get her out! (pulls out his gun) ::Bubs blows the door of the cell away. Marzipana runs up to Homesky, grinning:: Marzipana: Oh, thank you for saving me! You're my night in shining armor! Homesky: Yeah, that's gweat, dude. Wisten, did you see a pwincess in there? Marzipana: Hmph! (smacks Homesky) Bub: You know, I could be your knight in shining armor... (coughs and winks) Marzipana: Forget it! Bub: Aw, man... (softly) I can't even get with her in a parody... Marzipana: So, where's Coachzee? He's the one I sent to rescue me. Homesky: He's by ouw ship. C'mon, let's go back and bwow this ewephant butt! ::They all run back through the hallways to the room where they entered the Depresstar, only to find Darthbad ready to deliver the final blow to Coachzee:: Darthbad: Haha! I am the very strongest! You are not very strong! ::Darthbad slices into Coachzee, causing him to fade into nothingness:: Coachzee: These people try to faaade meeeeeee... Homesky: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Darthbad: Hey, those guys must be more Webews! Shoot them, Strongtroopers! ::Bub, Marzipana, The Cheatbacca, and P0M-P0M run to the M.G. dodging laser fire and dragging the grief-stricken Homesky. They blast off, without any of the laser fire hitting it's target:: Depresstar Voice: Come back soon... I guess... (sigh) Darthbad: (shaking his head) Ugh... what was I thinking when I didn't teach any of the Strongtroopers how to aim a gun? ::We cut to aboard the Millemiun Gremliun, where we see Marzipana trying to comfort a seemingly inconsolable weeping Homesky:: Marzipana: Oh, there there, Homesky... Coachzee was my friend, too... but I'm sure if he saw his friends acting like this, instead of avenging him, he'd be pretty sore! Homesky: (sob) No... it's not that... it's just... I HAVEN'T WOWN MY HAT IN THIS ENTIWE MOVIIIIE! (collapses with grief) Marzipana: ...right. Captain Bub, take your ship down to Ninteenthirtee VI! That's the location of the secret Webew Headquarters. Bub: Aye-aye, Princess! ::The M.G. flies down to the surface of Nineteenthirtee VI. The planet's surface seems completely black and white. We then cut to the inside of a gray temple, where we see Homesky, Marzipana, Bub, P0M-P0M and the Cheatbacca being briefed by the Webew Commander - played by 1936 Homestar Runner. The commander is standing in front of a diagram of the Depresstar.:: Commander: All right, fellas. You did a nice job a-fightin' for your country. But now Darthbad's got 'is sights set on this planet, and if'n we don't wanna be fried, you're gonna have to help us out of a sticky situation yet again. Bub: Hey, we're space pirates! What's in it for us? Commander: Providing y' win... y'all get trophies. ::The Cheatbacca tugs on Bub's shirt, whimpering:: Bub: Ah, okay, ah'll help. Commander: Bub, you an' The Cheatbacca'll create a dahhh-version and attract their fire. Homesky, you an' yer robut feller can help our spaceship forces take out the Depresstar's one weakness... it's Tandy 400 processor. Homesky: Will I get a hat if I help? Commander: Yes sir. Yes sir you will. Homesky: Woohoo! Yeah, I'm in! Marzipana: Right, now here's what we'll do... ::We cut to the next morning in the Depresstar. We open with a shot of a rejuvenation center, which soon opens up to reveal Darthbad, who's just waking up.:: Darthbad: (yawns) Ahh, morning has finally arrived! I think I'll blow up Planet Ninteenthirtee VI and crush the Awwiance first thing today... well, maybe not if there's anything good on TV... ::Darthbad walks out of the room, passing a window upon which is spraypainted "DARTHBAD SUX". After a few seconds, Darthbad runs back to the window, noticing the graffiti:: Darthbad: WHAAAT?! ::We cut to an exterior shot of Depresstar to find that the Millemiun Gremliun is somehow holding a spraypaint outside of Darthbad's windows.:: Darthbad: SAFs! After that guy! ::The M.G. blasts away, followed by tons of SAFs. We switch to the inside of the ship, where we find Bub and the Cheatbacca:: Bub: (into radio) The bait has been snippy-snapped! Go on with the plan! ::We switch to an exterior shot of the Depresstar. The camera pans right where we see a group of 5 ships approaching it. The pilots are...:: Pilot #1: Cheerleader, standing by! Pilot #2: So-and-so, standing by! Pilot #3: Whatserface, standing by! Pilot #4: The Ugly One, standing by! Pilot #5: Home Skyrunner, and I've got a hat! (He does - one of those classic X-wing pilot hats.) All 5: Teen Girl Squadron, moving in and lookin' so good! ::The camera pulls back, showing a shot of the Depresstar's giant face.:: Depresstar: Hello. Have you come to be my first and only friends? ::The ships begin firing upon him:: Depresstar: Oh, you're not. I guess you're just here to shoot at me. *sigh* ::We cut to the interior of the Depresstar, where we see Darthbad, who notices that the Depresstar is being fired upon:: Darthbad: What the crap is going on here? Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have sent all of those SAFS after one Webew... I guess it's just up to me and my personal guards, now… ::We switch back to the exterior of the Depresstar. The ships continue to fire at the Depresstar:: Cheerleader: listen, gals (and guy), if we want to... All Pilots: Blow up the Depresstar! Cheerleader: We need to target the Tandy 400! It's right over there! ::The Teen Girl Squadron flies towards the Tandy 400, but three ships block their way. Two are normal SAF ships, and one is a modified SAF with a boxing glove in place of the "Arrowed" guy.:: SAF #1: Arrowed! (fires a laser at the Ugly One's Ship) Ugly One: Owww, my shieeelds! (explodes with ship) ::Whatserface shoots down one of the SAFs, but is taken down by Darthbad.:: Whatserface: Dag, yo. (explodes with ship) ::So-and-so takes down the other SAF, but Darthbad shoots her down as well:: Cheerleader: you guys all look burnt, or dead. ::The Cheerleader flies away, leaving only Homesky and Darthbad. Homesky is, however, quickly approaching the Tandy 400.:: Darthbad: Haha! Just one left to go! ::We switch to the interior of Homesky's ship. P0M-P0M is flying with him. The ship's windshield wiper, disco ball, and CD-player all seem to be going nuts:: P0M-P0M: *whistle whistle bubble* Homesky: I'm twying to fire, P0M-P0M! But I just can't find that stupid button! Maybe it's... Coachzee's Voice: Hoooomeskyyyyy... use the fyaaaeeerce... Homesky: Use the what? Coachzee's Voice: USE THE FYAAAAOOOOOEEEEEERRGHHHHHEEEEAAAARRRRCE! Homesky: But I can't undewstand you! Coachzee's Voice: JUST LET P0M-P0M DRIVE! Homesky: Oh, okay. ::P0M-P0M takes over and hits a single button. We switch to an exterior shot, where we see Homesky's ship fire a single laser at a Tandy 400 unit protruding from the Depresstar's navel. Homesky and P0M-P0M both then fly out of view. Darthbad, however, stops right by the remaints of the Tandy 400 unit.:: Darthbad: Hey, you come back here! (notices the missing Tandy 400 unit) Huh? What the... crap...? (The spot where the Tandy 400 sat sparks violently) Whoa! Hey... ::The Depresstar explodes, launching Darthbad carrening into deep space:: Darthbad: YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Strongsad: I'm sad because I'm explodiiiiinnnggg... *BOOM* ::Homesky and P0M-P0M fly back to Planet Ninteenthirtee VI, with only a cloud of dust behind them where the Depresstar stood.:: ::We then cut to the final sequence, where each of our heroes - Home Skyrunner, Bub Solo, The Cheatbacca, P0M-P0M, and even Princess Marzipana, are presented with trophies by the Webew Commander before an applauding audience. And just as the cast takes it's final bows... M-arshie pops up again, met with groans of astonishment!:: M-arshie: Hey, guys! I bet you forgot that I'm a robot! That means I can always be repaired! We're maaade from the beeest paaarts... Homesky: (growls, and ignites his leet saber) THE END
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