Zelda Games *Social*
The ZSB Interview, vol 21: POLAS.
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- Zelda Games *Social*
- The ZSB Interview, vol 21: POLAS.
*tear* I've been waiting for a long time for this one. Not to say you I didn't care about the other interviews I have done, but I tried to put some extra work into this one, especially considering, as I reach the end of this "project," my spirit has been wavering. But copying this out of the emails and reminiscing about the time I got to spend with Polas, I am pretty proud. Gents (since we're out of ladies), I present...Polas! --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
So
right off the bat, I want to be the one to break the news. We had
previous interview plans waylaid previously by...a Polas honeymoon.
Obviously congrats! Where did you two go? And I guess people will be
interested in the young lady who managed to capture the heart of an
internet message board icon. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Break
away, old friend. If I've said it once, I've said it twice: yours is
the only show I'll do. Thank you for the kind words, and yes, with
apologies to my jilted ex Bender, there is now a Mrs. Polas. Believe it
or not, she detests most video games that aren't Candy Crush or Puzzle
& Dragons, but does make genuine, befuddled efforts to understand
the weird culture I grew up in, or at the very least, watch me play
through Uncharted. She was actually born in the Middle East, I met her at a college bar where she's currently finishing up her PhD. Finishing it at the school, not inside the bar. Though our hobbies tend to be extremely divergent (she's watching Survivor as I type this), our personalities are amazingly simpatico, and if I may be sincere for a rare moment, I've never met a sweeter, more caring person. This is of course because I grew up on Long Island, but my point stands. I traveled to Kuwait before our engagement to stay with her family and formally ask her Dad to marry her, it's a very old school family but they're extremely kind, and it was a tremendous experience. I actually found a 3DS USB charger in a Japanese nicknack store, in an Arabic mall, I'm quite proud of this. Wedding was on Long Island, honeymoon was in Cancun. I accomplished one of my lofty life goals of eating chicken fingers in a Mexican hot tub; no sordid details beyond that I'm afraid. As far as my lofty ZSB status, she once eavesdropped on one of my posts, and after giggling at me, her comment was "you kind of sound like a douche when you write." She's a smart one. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
That
sounds outstanding. International travel is intimidating to me, the
Middle East even more so, even though I have friends in Israel that say
it is incredible and not a big deal. Were there any Guess Who's Coming
to Dinner moments with her family? Well it's very clear that I am a big fan, and while reading your response I was thinking of how I don't want to just gush all over you for the entire interview. So I was thinking about what were the specific aspects about you that I admire, and I thought about how you were maybe the opposite of a douche, that the one thing that stands out is that you have remained outstandingly neutral. You always seem detached (in a good way) from all of the personal spats and other nonsense, establishing your own character as something of an institution, which I have yet to hear anyone say they are not a fan of. Did you actively cultivate that image or did it just evolve out of your personality? Is Long Island a breeding ground for dickheads? How did your origin shape you into what you became? --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Please,
gush away! But to try to tie together all of your questions, I would
consider myself fairly detached in general, for better or worse. Long
Islanders have a reputation for being standoffish and self-absorbed, and
while I've certainly come across some terrific people here, in my
travels to other states, countries, even upstate NY, I generally find it
much easier to strike up conversations with people, and tend to receive
warmer vibes. Long Island, Manhattan, you'll find many people keeping
their heads down and moving past you without a second look. I think
there is that aspect to my personality; I get along with most people but
all save a choice few relationships in my life have been somewhat
fleeting. I move on fairly quickly, and value my personal Polas time
over other things that may be going on around me. It sometimes still
baffles me that I'm married, because it's not something I was actively
seeking or even expecting, I just got very lucky. It also occurs to me
that the ZSB is one of my longest relationships, truly a sobering
thought if there ever was one. Concerning the ZSB specifically, "Polas" has been whatever might be entertaining to me at any given time, while always injecting a bit of myself and turning the dial up ever so slightly. You had your third-person gimmick, retro game curator, glorified game show host, sarcastic prick, so on and so forth. In turn, it may be one of those aspects that cemented my board persona in any one person's head, or maybe the underlying Polasness I've always put forth. Maybe some combination. It's all good as long as you've gotten something from me. I will admit I enjoy being sort of outside the box, or above the fray, and doing my own thing. That part isn't too big of a stretch for me. Oh, and as far as Kuwait, no worries, it's actually sort of like Israel in that it's only surrounded by countries that hate us, they're still quite fond of us for bailing them out of that whole Iraqi occupation in the early nineties. And our families had met in the US prior to my trip, so it wasn't completely awkward, though I'm told that while I very much feel part of their family now, the first reaction her Dad had to hearing about me was, "She's dating a white boy?!" --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
You
know, over my many years here, especially toward the beginning, people
often asked me what exactly “Polas” means. Some figured it was just a
variant of my real name, I remember a theory about the secret lying with
Pols Voice from the first Zelda game, and I had myself a time coming up
with a different origin story each time the question arose. Like most
things in life, the truth is far less interesting than anything I or the
rest of the ZSB cooked up. But for you Deity, I will use my innate
ability to recall the most trivial, useless knowledge in astounding
detail to reveal in exhaustive length where Polas came from …. and the
truth is, I have no idea. Back when the Internet was much more of a lawless wasteland, I like most bored little s***s at the time got my jollies trolling Internet message boards that took themselves too seriously. I don’t know if our younger posters will remember, but many garishly formatted websites in those days had these hosted polls with a link for anonymous comments, and on some sites that were lacking them, these poll comments became sort of a de facto message board. I used to frequent one such site, a wrestling site where these poll comments would discuss that week’s show, or devolve into various non-sequiturs about terrible WCW gimmicks from the early 90’s. I would sometimes interject a witty rejoinder to some stupid comment; good times were had by all. Except, there was one guy who nobody knew what to make of. Every week, without fail, he should show up and make a post like: “If Polas were here you wouldn’t be saying that.” “Polas was in those parts a few years ago, tore the house down.” “Polas would have had The Rock crying like a baby.” And so on. He was mostly ignored outside of an occasional “WTF is Polas” type comment, but one day I just had enough of these, so I responded with something akin to “This is Polas. I am far too awesome to require a spastic midget to vouch for me every week.” I got around ten consecutive “LMAO” variants and the Polas guy disappeared. It certainly seems minutely silly 15 years later, but to myself and a small handful of anonymous wrestling fans at the time, it was effing hilarious. At that moment, I was Polas, and so do I remain. One disadvantage of those poll comments is that they were indeed anonymous, so every time I posted from then on, I had to preface with “This is Polas” or “Polas here,” which lead to “Polas thinks this,” or “Polas would like to that”. Around the same time, other people started pretending to be Polas; Polas copycats if you will, so I branched out to message boards with accounts in order to reign as the one, true Polas. I enjoyed how obnoxious typing in the third person made me sound, so I took this newly minted third-person gimmick of mine to a few other message boards you may be familiar with. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Yes,
I made my way to GameFAQs, which I had first found looking for help
with Shadow Man on N64 (fantastic game, now on Steam!), and dipped my
toes in a few social boards, including messing with the Harvest Moon
Social along with Quid. As you may have guessed, I came across the ZSB
soon after, and the first thing I found was a bunch of clodhoppers
forming clubs to debate whether or not the Triforce was obtainable in
Ocarina of Time. Ripe for some Polasizing! But soon after, I learned
that a lot of it was tongue in cheek, most of the people there were cool
or at least entertaining, and something amusing or ridiculous was going
down at any given time. As a result, it shortly became one of my main
online hangouts. While I surely made a few enemies at first with my
irritating, slightly dickish third person shtick, Polas soon caught on
with the ZSB majority. A full face turn was in order after I made my
first popular long-running retro game topic, which blew up into a poorly
maintained, sometimes-entertaining gaming site following a drunken
online conversation with my buddy about the virtues of Karnov. My now
well-rounded Polas persona would spread to other dark corners of the
Internet from there, but those are different tales for different times.
The ZSB from then on would always be a stop in my travels. Sometimes I still wonder if the original, unseen Polas from years past will return to challenge me for my namesake, and most likely the fate of mankind along with it. Until that day comes, to this point no one has done Polas better than I do, so though my presence may be diminished, my message board star faded, my time required elsewhere, nonetheless … I am Polas. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
I
want to ask you if you ever met and had this show-down, would it be a
cage match, and then ask *Seinfeld voice* "What's the deal with
professional wrestling?," but I am pretty sure that road is pretty well
worn by now. So I'll be more personal and ask what your favorite
professional wrestling moment was and why it's so memorable. Also, speaking of Quid, he didn't sign up for one of these, which frankly does not surprise me, as he's not really the interviewing type. But that leaves him pretty open to a good story about him if you have one. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Yeah,
our journeys through GameFAQs and the ZSB have had a few parallels; at
least to the extent I've known him. As I mentioned, I first encountered
him on the Harvest Moon Social, but man, poking fun at that board was a
"fish in a barrel" situation if there ever was one. My memory may be
fuzzy but I think we somehow provoked a minor board war between the HMSB
& ZSB a bit after we had begun posting on both; like most ZSB
invasions, it wasn't pretty for the visiting team. Mainly I'm grateful that he participated in most of my ZSB ventures. Like me, he doesn't get involved in a lot of overarching board activities, so him bringing his Quidocity to my various contests and games, even doing a review for my website, that was pretty cool. Our interests just usually seem to line up. Of course, his greatest contribution to the ZSB and society in general is the "Nobody Cares" horn. It was just so damn efficient! We are both also longtime wrestling fans, and as you sort of alluded to there, trying to explain the appeal to someone not really in the know can be a daunting venture. One thing I'll say is that while I do enjoy a good, five-star, thirty-minute technical display between guys that really know what they're doing, that to me is not the main draw. What I love about pro wrestling is that there is a truly distinct absurdity about it that cannot be replicated in any other medium. I mean, sure, it's scripted, but that only scratches the surface. Why do the villains make secret plans in hushed tones with a camera in the room? Why, instead of grabbing the top rope after being whipped in, would you run back at your opponent directly into a beating? And for the advanced class, why would you pay Jay Leno a king's ransom to wrestle in the main event of a barely watched, wholly godawful pay-per-view? I never tire of that aspect. I don't know how long it would take to narrow down a favorite all-time moment, but I do consider myself fortunate that wrestling blew up while I was in high school. For a long time, it wasn't something you'd really go around talking about, lest you be lumped in with the kids at the weird table. But then, Stone Cold & The Rock came along, half the school was wearing "Austin 3:16" shirts out of the blue, and I was the guy who had bootleg tapes of Steve Austin still with long blond hair, wrestling in ECW in front of 800 people. I met some cool people through wrestling whom I probably wouldn't have if it was still only quietly discussed in dark corners, and our Pay-Per-View parties were epic. Luckily we didn't have one for the Jay Leno match. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Okay,
I feel pretty versed in the fables of ZSB veterans, but I don't recall
hearing the "Nobody Cares horn." Is it pretty self-explanatory? And by mentioning "overarching board activities," you've segued into one of the big questions I had for you. How did you come up with the Polas Tournament of Everything and similar contests? Did you realize how much work it would be to do something like that? What was the motivation behind doing something like that for the board? I guess I am thinking in broader terms of "board events," like the PCAs and I suppose these interviews. They've been a big part of what I think keeps me around, what I think makes the ZSB pretty unique. I am interested in what makes people participate or not in those kinds of things, how much they really contribute. What do you think the motivations are for both organizing and participating in these events? --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
More
or less, yes. At least until the clown .gif showed up. It actually
speaks to why you’re now a longstanding ZSB vet, that you’ve never heard
the horn, as many a new, random person posting rambling nonsense or
personal revelations to a board of strangers were quickly frightened off
by its ominous honk. Okay, here we go. The Mystery Contests, the gaming quizzes, the vaunted Tournament of Everything, why and how? The simplest answer I can give is because they’re a lot of fun and I’m quite good at them. Since it’s me, however, I will expand in painful detail. All this horn talk, I’m going to have to toot mine now, because it is indeed a lot of work, at least relative to the usual effort one would put into posting on a message board. You need an anal, egotistical dictator to manage things as he sees fit, not allow the inmates to run the asylum, and still find ways to make the whole shebang fun and enjoyable. It’s a delicate balance. Try not to check out on me here, I have another wrestling website anecdote for you, but it speaks to how these things can sputter out or succeed. On the forums for a fairly popular second-tier wrestling site, there was a guy who ran a monthly PPV prediction contest. Pick the winners of all the matches, most correct wins. Except he would allow you to edit your picks as many times as you wanted until the event. Post results late. Post wrong results. Settle ties based on personal whims. They almost always turned into monthly b****fests. So I posted that the Contest was f***ing stupid, and that he should change A, B & C. Despite a number of forthcoming support posts, he laughed it off and said I should try to do a better job. Well, the following month, I had a nicely-formatted post with my usual Polas banter running down the entire card, a number of new rules posted, and three distinct tiebreakers if needed (they were). A few complaints from the people who usually participated, but then the former guy in charge posted something like “lol, well you showed me, it’s yours now buddy” and actually filled out a correct entry. Then, many more complaints after I purposefully left the people who didn’t follow the rules out of the results. But they were shouted down by the even more that actually enjoyed it for the first time. Three months later, I was giving VHS copies from my tape collection as first prize, and the site admin was giving me free tapes from HIS collection to keep doing it, now that participation had quadrupled or so. As you can see, I think the motivation for participation, primarily comes down to organization. If you put sufficient effort into both the structure and entertainment, they will come. Even if they don’t especially care about the subject matter, if a contest or event is executed well, people will want to get involved, because people on a base level enjoy fun things they can win, actual prize or no. Ironic, because I’m generally a pretty lazy dude, but if I have an idea I’ll usually put my whole ass into it till the bitter end. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Inspiration,
that comes from many places, and often simpler than you’d think. Polas
has a new scanner and likes to draw = Polas’ Crappy Sketch Topic. Polas
has noticed an abundance of s***ty topics lately, maybe something
amusing can be done about it = Toilet Paper Topics. Metric tons of
useless knowledge stored in my brain = Polas is now a video game
quizmaster. And so on. I wish I could tell you exactly how I came up
with the Tournament of Everything, but that exact origin is a bit foggy.
My best guess is that like every year, I was sick of March Madness and
was trying to figure out some way to make it interesting for myself. I
do know that the original contenders were “things on or near my desk”,
and once those ran out, I meandered into more abstract concepts like
“trying before buying” just to avoid having to think of more objects not
immediately in my line of sight. Then of course, there was Double Jump,
which 98% of the board figured out the inherent meaning of upon first
seeing it. The kicker is, I enjoy most of my topics until I get tired of them, I certainly enjoyed many of your interviews, but my absolute favorite thing to do on the ZSB is really just to post about video games. In my mind at least, no topic will ever top Stuff for Polas. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
That's
excellent. Not to toot my own horn here, but I did win the first
Tournament of Everything. Where was Ducktales to your proximity? What has been the best stuff you've gotten in Stuff for Polas? And in a third "vaguely related but I'm struggling to come up with truly meaningful and eloquent connections" question, what happened to the Goodtime Retro Cafe? --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Yes!
Almost a decade ago as a matter of fact, March 22, 2006. I’m going
through my old files as we speak, that victory netted you the Grand
Polas Championship. I can see how things expanded pretty quickly; you
have things like Ham Sandwich, Air Conditioning, Starburst, (Chewing on)
Pencils, things I’m sure were in the original “on or near my desk”
concept. Then there’s Comedy Central, Beastie Boys’ Sabotage, certainly
Ducktales was in that category as “things I’ve recently seen on
TV/online.” By the way, Ducktales beat Air Conditioning in Round 1 by a
single vote. Now you have me poring over old text documents, I hope you’re happy. Blistered Otter won #2 with my personal favorite champion: Marvin Gardens, Mac was #3 with the now legendary Double Jump; Pirate Roberts actually won two in a row with Uncle Phil, rest his soul, and Trying Before Buying. Finally, tofa7 (?!) brought it home with Rock Paper Scissors. What a time to be alive. Do you remember that Simpsons episode where a missile is about to hit Comic Book Guy, and with casual resignation he says “hooh, I’ve wasted my life.”? Ahem. You know what, I don’t care, I’m a meticulous geek and always will be. Stuff for Polas was an area I wasn’t especially meticulous in preserving, which is a shame as that’s over a decade of my personal gaming timeline, along with whatever else was on my mind. So much Stuff has flowed through that topic over the years, but I remember pretty distinctly, that the event that provoked the most unbridled joy from myself and the usual denizens of the topic, was the announcement and release of Mega Man 9. Thinking with a bit of perspective now, the Mega Man series and universe in general coming to an end with two quality sequels in the vein of the NES originals, things could have ended up a lot worse than they actually did, based on where Capcom is at currently. The landscape of gaming has changed, the old giants are dying, and I suppose I can’t begrudge Capcom and Inafune too much, as for better or worse, they brought us far more Mega Man than most companies would even begin to fathom. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
The
main thing with the Retro Café is that it became more of a chore than
something I really wanted to do, and when that happens it’s usually time
to pack it in. I don’t know if you remember Frank Jaeger, he used to
post on the ZSB, he was also for a time generously hosting the Retro
Café for free. We would have conversations about the site, and he’d
always be coming up with ways we could make the site more
popular/profitable. Redesign it in something that isn’t ancient HTML
hieroglyphics, post more frequent, smaller updates, cater to search
rankings etc. I think I frustrated him with my laziness, but I can tell –
looking back on my old stuff, the passion and detail is definitely
lacking from the “request” games, or the games I thought people wanted
to read about. I still enjoyed those games, sure, but then I see the one
where I did the whole Arkanoid series, or the arcade game where 25% of
the bad guys were Karnov, and it’s like “yeah, that’s the Polas I
remember!” Sadly, those became few and far between as I graduated
college and started to move on with my life. Even now, as I’m
comfortable in the next phase of my being, the thought of typing
thousands of words, editing dozens of images, coding, I can feel the
shakes coming on. Sometimes I do briefly wonder. I posted a YouTube video of a now infamous cutscene from Hotel Mario for the CD-i as part of my review for that game, I think it ended up with close to 300,000 views. Could I have gotten in on the ground floor of obnoxious nerds yelling about old video games for profit? I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know I’m far too lazy to find that particular answer. Sorry Frank. Posting on the ZSB about The Adventures of Captain Comic will have to do, cause that’s all I’ve got in me, and I’m happy with that. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Karnov vs. Mega Man. I know there are quite a few Mega Man fans here. I personally never really got into it. I bought the Anniversary Collection, but "frustratingly hard" is not a game attribute that draws me in. Is that the draw to these games? That's more a Scientist question, but he didn't sign up for an interview. I think I remember chatting with Mac or someone about Mega Man too. Reading up on Karnov I see he is implied to be Shantae's dead father in the latest game, nice. What's your favorite Zelda game? --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Karnov
is in a class all his own. I don’t believe the words actually exist to
adequately describe that particular class to my satisfaction, but the
best way I think I can put it, is that Karnov is one of my favorite
representations of NES culture. “A Winner Is You!”, “Are you a Bad
enough Dude to rescue the President?”, so on and so forth. I am a
dedicated proponent of video game preservation in all forms, and I don’t
just mean morally grey methods of ensuring the life of games and quasi
games that otherwise may vanish into the ether, though I certainly
support that as well. I’m also referring to the historical context that
those of us who grew up immersed in this weird, badly translated era can
impart unto future generations. I understand that sort of thing isn’t
important to a whole lot of people, and I’ve never been one to get into
the whole “are games really art?” debates. At the same time, video games
as an art form deserve just as much as books, movies and so on to
remain preserved in our collective consciousness. So that decades later,
when Wayforward drops of all things a Karnov reference into a modern
game, some 13-year-old kid out there will get the reference and laugh.
That is f***ing awesome. Now, I resent sir, the implication that anything involving Mega Man is more of a “Sci” question. All due respect, I’d love to read an answer to this question from Sci or Mac, and it would surely be worth reading, but you’ll find no greater megauthority on the ZSB than I. While I’m busy piling on, I must disagree with your placement of Mega Man into the “frustratingly hard” genre. YOU JERK. No, I’m sorry, I love you, I really do. And I will agree that Mega Man can be frustrating and/or hard, especially to a newcomer. I actually think that’s something Mega fans lose sight of since there have been so damn many games; they actually are pretty tough if you haven’t been playing them for years. On the other hand, I can easily name 10 NES games in 10 seconds that are far more of a challenge than any Mega Man game. A little more current, Super Meat Boy, I Wanna Be The Guy, those are frustratingly hard. Mega Man is something else. To me, the main draw of Mega Man games is threefold: the pixel perfect play control, the escalating level design, and the tools at your disposal. Mega Man at its core is run, jump, shoot and slide. Each level builds on that by not only throwing distinct obstacles and enemies at you, but pacing them in a way that teaches you how to beat them early on through low danger trial and error, growing to a crescendo of everything you learned returning in new, interesting and challenging combinations later in the stage. On top of that, you can choose your levels and more importantly bosses in any order, giving you even more ways to tackle what the game puts in your way with the tools and weapons you earn. To me, it’s a perfect harmony of game design. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Also, the controls on the Gamecube Anniversary Collection are f***ed up, so if that’s the one you tried, I urge you to give it another go on a different console. Favorite Zelda game is Link to the Past, it’s everything I hoped the original game could and would become and then some, and to this day in my mind, has been copied, expanded, but never topped. Believe it or not, I think the Internet has actually entered this weird state of underrating it, and Ocarina of Time for that matter. You probably think I’m high on Deku Leaves right now, as these are often considered two of the most overrated games in history, but I’ve noticed a trend more toward the “different” games, like Link’s Awakening and Majora’s Mask, and a tendency to rate them higher based almost solely on things they did differently from the more traditional Zeldas. Now, opinions are subjective, and everyone has their own reasons for them, I’m not trying to generalize. I myself love Link’s Awakening; I’ve never been a huge Majora’s Mask fan outside of the unique ambiance and rolling after Goht, but am currently playing the 3DS version to see if perhaps I wasn’t giving it a fair shake. When it comes down to it though, I have never had more fun with a Zelda game than Link to the Past, and that remains true to this day whenever I give it a replay, even if it doesn’t have creepy vibes, toilet paper beggars or drugged up raccoon men. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
I
have to agree with Link to the Past. It is also my favorite for much
of the same reasons. I've never connected with any 3D Zelda. I do have the GameCube version, are the controls really f***ed up? Are they not precise how they should be? It's been awhile since I had that system out but I remember having fun playing through a few levels each of each game and having fun, but I couldn't commit to finishing one. I also bought Super Meat Boy and even though I don't remember finishing it, I remember liking how I could complete the levels in the most rudimentary ways and just get through the worlds, and then there was like a whole higher level of incentives for power players who wanted to go through and get everything, I really liked that. Mega Man has awesome music. You didn't touch on that, so I have to force the issue. What's your favorite video game soundtrack? And how about arcade games? I like to ask: what arcade cabinet would you buy for your house? --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Right
you are! Mega Man, across its many series’ and iterations, has had
consistently fantastic soundtracks. Mega Man 2 would be both easy and
lazy to pick as my favorite without need for further elaboration, but
I’ve always been the type of guy whose “all-time favorite” changes with
my mood, the winds, or a nostalgic YouTube video. There are several
games from the X series that can match up with MM2, and if you’ve ever
dwelled in Stuff for Polas, or Cauchy’s music topic (for Polas), you’ve
seen glowing praise heaped upon the tunes from the somewhat obscure Mega
Man Network Transmission, with very good cause. Even other ones most
people haven’t played, like the brief ZX series, some really good stuff
there. Another contender for overall favorite, though it’s sort of cheating, is Super Smash Bros. Brawl, since it’s essentially an all-star compilation of 25+ years of amazing original and remixed Nintendo music. The new one for Wii U/3DS also has some nice new tracks, but eliminated some old favorites and wasn’t the mind-blowing auditory leap that Brawl was. I’ve also realized that I’m a sucker for boss music, and though hardly anyone played it on Wii, I still blast the final boss theme from Madworld on the mp3 player in my pimpmobile whenever possible. s***ter (innovative brick breaker for PS3 & PC) is a trippy electronic one I keep coming back to, I ended up buying the digital soundtrack for that one. As I did with Shovel Knight, more recently, top shelf old school goodness right there, with a few tracks from one of the original Mega Man composers, so I suppose we’ve come full circle. I enjoyed all of the 3D Zelda games to varying extents, though my patience with Wind Waker & Skyward Sword grew short on a number of occasions, but given the choice to play any past Zelda at the drop of an elf cap, Link to the Past is almost always it unless I’m in a more specific mood. Super Meat Boy is brilliantly designed in many ways, a classic challenge enhanced by the non-s***ty aspects of modern game design, it’s a perfect mix, and if you ask me the best way to do a game at that level of difficulty. It can be hard as balls as long as you keep wanting to, and are able to, quickly get back right up off the mat. Binding of Isaac and Rogue Legacy are two I just played in a different genre that still emphasize this philosophy, without straying too far into obtuse, trial and error territory, even if there’s a little of that. Oh, the MMAC controls may not be f***ed up per se from a precision standpoint, but the run and shoot buttons are backwards and you can’t change them, it flies in the face of decades of experience. So I guess it would probably affect a newbie less, but “B” to shoot and “A” to jump is just one of those timeless laws of nature. I believe I actually imported a Gamecube Hori controller to get around this. Can I cheat once again to answer the arcade cabinet question? Because I would probably go with a MAME unit that can play hundreds of games. If I was forced to choose though, I’m certain it would be something timeless, like Donkey Kong or Pac-Man. We’ll likely be buying a house over the next year or so, so this is a very real ongoing conflict in my brain, I’m glad you asked about it. I can tell you one thing I’ve always wanted, and without question will be a permanent fixture in the Den of Polas, is one of those Arkanoid c***tail tables, with the screen under the glass tabletop and trackball on the side. My Donkey Kong coffee mug from Nintendo World will forever rest there, in fact I’d probably choose to be entombed on it myself if it were a little bigger. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
I
have to say I have not ventured much into Cauchy's music topic, but I
will say it's pretty cool that you're revered enough that other people
spontaneously make (long-term) topics for you. What ZSB posters do you most revere and why? A few different ways I could go with this, though “revere” may be too strong a word for all of them. Nevertheless, I do admire any ZSB’er I’ve shared significant knowledge and discussion with, such as yourself when it comes to sitcoms and game shows, Quid and Blistered Otter with Wrestling, or my many gaming chats with FalconPain, MacDaddy Mike, Cauchy and ScientistPG. Mars and McGray, though I know not always the most popular gents depending whom you ask, there’s a lot of worthwhile geek knowledge stored in those noggins if you crack them open. I’m sure I’m omitting many, but if you’ve hung out in Stuff for Polas for any length of time, I probably like you. The other group I admire are those who are a bit outside the ZSB bubble, so to speak. Not as much these days, but it used to be that the ZSB as a whole could sort of get up its own ass a bit, which led to the whole “elitist” impression on other boards. And often I will admit, it was quite funny taking the piss out of invaders, stupid posts, etc. At the same time, the whole “we’re the ZSB and you’re not” group mentality was not something I ever felt I really needed to be a part of, and it was occasionally just as funny seeing the ZSB take the piss, or being amused by something that wasn’t an in-joke. The gold sword doesn’t have enough wheat, yuk yuk, it’s even funnier the 100th time. There were a number of times DL would be antagonizing the board with his antics, and meanwhile he and I would be on AIM laughing about it, I’d offer suggestions/feedback, it was always a good time. He had a unique way of getting on everyone’s nerves that I loved. Even those who were brave enough to invade the ZSB, rather than outright repel them like the majority would, my deal was sort of engaging them in a way to encourage them to be funnier, or go about things in a more entertaining way. That was the sort of thing Quid understood, as I mentioned earlier. What can I say, the board needed a good kick in the ass once in a while. You know what I also miss? Slayer’s ridiculous alt accounts. Like on top of his patented Steven Seagal porno posts, he’d have 2-3 dopey characters running at once. Silly stuff like that which exists outside of the usual ZSB humor, I respect that. My favorite gimmick of all time though was Captain Vegetable’s, who was a great poster in his own right, but had an account called “Oracle of Donuts,” who would respond to posts only in relevant Simpsons quotes. And last but certainly not least, my all-time favorite ZSB poster – krosser, there’ll never be another like you, my brother. I’d explain it to those who don’t remember him, but you just had to be there. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Do
you remember anything about the notorious LUE invasion? I think
several interviewees have alluded to it, but none has really given a
blow-by-blow commentary. I don't think I can be of much more help than previous interviewees, unfortunately. I remember a dude named Umaro popped in to show off his new Zelda tattoo and was soundly ridiculed. He went crying back to LUE and before you knew it, a deluge of LUEshi and Zelda-related s***posts were upon us. The one thing I do remember distinctly was the sheer volume of it, in reality this was really our only true "invasion", as most of the other incidents were "a few schmucks from some other board try to start something". It led to LUE being quarantined, if I'm not mistaken, and may or may not have led to the great de-listing of the ZSB and other SBs. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Shifting
gears wildly...is Queen and David Bowie's duet Under Pressure the
greatest achievements in (non-video game) music history? Friend, I don't even know if I could put it into the Top 3 David Bowie team-ups. I mean, when you have him -jamming with Iggy Pop: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x3Ev1GV-PI -rum pa pa pumming with Bing Crosby: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiXjbI3kRus and -unstuck in our plane of existence with David Lynch and Agent Cooper, https://youtu.be/3nSqDMqCJQw?t=1m10s it’s a bit difficult to categorically implant it into the multi-faceted Venn diagram that is David Bowie and say, “that was the best one.” But it’s a great tune and gave way to the rise of American music legend & reality star Vanilla Ice, so you’ll hear nothing but praise from me. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
If ZSBers were the cast of NewsRadio, who would play which role? If we’re talking current ZSBers, I may have some difficulty filling the female roles. Then again… Catherine would be played by jukester, the sassy minority who left us in our twilight and wasn’t truly appreciated until after being around for a while. Lisa is AV, a leader in the office who is the only one actually reporting news on a day-to-day basis. Also has a number of OCD eccentricities; following people into other topics after they disagree with him reminds me of Lisa following Dave into his office after he thought the conversation was over. And I could see Lisa frantically staring at her computer, obsessively trying to decide which topics to bump. I’m definitely Beth – coolest person here, history of dubious sexual encounters, and does less and less work every year. Matthew has to be kliq, constantly and annoyingly seeking approval for whatever goofy project he happens to be working on this week. If he starts asking for feedback on a licensed Dilbert game before this interview is posted, I’m done. I swear. Joe would be Kowolluh, since he’s really the only guy on the ZSB I can picture putting people into triangle chokeholds. And like Joe, every now and then I’m surprised at offbeat things he happens to be into. But not totally surprised. I guess Jimmy’s closest approximation is Big Bear, I don’t always follow his logic and he seems to buy 6 copies of every game, but he is nonetheless lovable and always around with something new. No one is worthy of being Bill. You Deity, you can be Dave, you coffee drinking, grumpy, almost-Midwesterner you. You’re just chock full of notes- or rather, sarcastic, boyish charm. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
This is excellent and I agree with all of it. I did buy a WNYX coffee mug. I would not be banging AV in my office though. Since you skipped Bill and Phil Hartman deserves some more respect, what is your favorite Phil Hartman character across all films and shows that he did? You mean you haven't changed your mind on the bumping policy? Besides the "bumping" you receive on a semi-nightly basis... </Beth> Speaking of semi-nightly, that's about how often I try to quote Lionel Hutz in real life. From sarcastically telling people they are the greatest hero in American history, or informing my wife that hearsay and conjecture are KINDS of evidence, not only are they great lines, but the way Phil Hartman delivers them with his deadpan earnesty is something I can't fathom anyone else doing. His terrible lawyer not only made Simpsons courtroom scenes some of the best in the show's history, but inspired future terrible lawyers; watch Better Call Saul and if you're like me, you'll feel his presence at least once an episode. His office is in a Korean nail salon, that's a step down from even the Springfield Mall! And that's to take nothing away from such Troy McClure movies as Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die; or Gladys, the Groovy Mule. Hartman really was the guest star MVP of the first 9 seasons of The Simpsons, between his two main recurring characters and the numerous other voices he did. I always enjoyed him as a counterbalance to his zanier SNL castmates at the time, and loved Bill McNeal almost as much as Bill McNeal loved Bill McNeal. Perhaps his greatest accomplishment, however, was making Jingle all the Way mildly bearable. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Rat Guy wants to know: "Favorite food and why isn't it sandwiches?" Oh my, I sense an air of finality approaching. Very well, I can’t think of a better way to take this home than with one, final Q&A with Polas. Rat Guy: "Favorite food and why isn't it sandwiches?" Chicken Scampi, because my wife makes it for me every week by request, and if I don’t go with that as my favorite, it will indeed be sandwiches, every week. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Slayer wants to know: In your opinion, what were some of the most memorable events that happened on the ZSB? Slayer: " In your opinion, what were some of the most memorable events that happened on the ZSB?” What comes to mind is one of those events long past that hasn’t really been talked about in a while, a rare occasion where most of the board was pissed at each other for various smaller reasons that eventually ended up tying together. Bender and Scumbag were going at it in one topic, AV, Someguy and a few others were plotting on Abadox because I believe Impossible and great darmani had been arguing with them in a different topic, and above all, Gamequeen had just returned, and everyone was either waiting for or trying to get ahold of Cribbs to post. It might have been Wacky who made the topic, I don’t recall exactly, but it was something along the lines of trying to summon Cribbs to see what would happen with Gamequeen after that whole “cousin” drama. All I know is that AV, Bender, Impossible; everyone kind of melded into this ever expanding to 500 topic, mostly to snipe at each other but also to be part of this ongoing event. Even guys like Moo Cow and Syrax who were barely posting popped back up. Gamequeen was being elusive, more than likely trying to play up the drama for attention, when at long last, around 2AM ET, Cribbs finally arrived. The problem was, everyone had been making these anticipatory posts which pushed the topic to 500, so then 2-3 new topics sprung up at the same time. Finally, Cribbs made his own topic, and all eyes were there. What Cribbs said to Gamequeen with pretty much the whole board watching, was lost to time, because at that moment, Steven Seagal descended into the topic, dropped his speedo and pinched a loaf right in the center of it, tossed Cribbs into Gamequeen, who fell into coolguy and dropped the entire board like dominoes, then had his way with RockMFR, right in front of me. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
lol, awesome. Juggling Joker wants to know: "I am disappointed that Polas didn't get to hang with us in NYC when Rat Guy and I were visiting. Polas, do you still have those rad sunglasses?" Juggling Joker: "I am disappointed that Polas didn't get to hang with us in NYC when Rat Guy and I were visiting. Polas, do you still have those rad sunglasses?" I don’t recall the particulars of this situation, but I give you the word of Polas, next time you guys are in the NY metro area, let me know and I will buy you a drink and maybe Rat Guy a sandwich. To answer your question, http://polas.byethost4.com/images/Jul2015.JPG Kickin’ rad 80’s gamer shades, and totally b****in’ 90’s facial hair, 4 lyfe --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Excellent!
That reminds me of the picture I have of you stuck in my head, that I
think you had on your site, where I think you were trying to emulate Neo
from The Matrix. Maybe that's what JJ was thinking about. So far, what have I missed? Could be, I sure had a lot of weird self-portraits over the years on that site. You tell me, is there anything we haven't touched on? Sports I like that you don't? Polas hairstyles through the years? Election 2016? Or are gays in the military (who want to get married) too hot for you? When Johnny comes marching home again, HE'S GAY, HE'S GAY --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
lol,
I'll pass on the gays and hairstyles, but I'm some will be interested
in sports. Isn't there a team you're particularly fond of? The Mets? Fifteen years and this is the worst insult I've ever endured from a ZSBer. (Kicks over chair, walks off set) (Walks back out) But I can see where the confusion sets in. My team is the Atlanta Braves, which is a division rival with the NY Mets, so the Braves usually play more road games at Citi Field in Queens against the Mets than most other teams during the season. Therefore, the Mets do afford me the best opportunity to see my team play, from a geographic standpoint. More importantly, many of my friends are Met fans, so going with them to the games in my bright red Braves jersey is always a good time for all. Other sports are more in line with what you'd expect; NY Giants in football (middling performance lately but 2 Super Bowl wins over the last 10 years), NY Rangers in hockey (Consistently an upper-tier team but fell just short of a Championship several times recently), and again many of my friends are fans of the rival NY teams (Jets, Islanders), though obviously I have a lot more support from a Giants/Rangers standpoint in this area. I'm not a huge basketball fan, but I would consider myself a Knicks fan. The 90's teams were a lot of fun to watch, and the last fifteen years, actually starting right around the time I came to the ZSB, they've been such a comically inept trainwreck that's it's almost as fun to watch as when they were good. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
lol sorry, I think I was thinking of the Giants. Why Atlanta if you are a New Yorker? I am always fascinated by why people are fans of teams that are not from their hometown. Well, your number one reason is usually because their own local team is a steaming pile for some length of time, but stars, image and proliferation are also a big part of it. I started getting into and playing baseball with other kids right after the Mets had won the 1986 World Series, and at that time was kind of a Mets fan, but I had equal Yankees/Mets pressure from various parts of the family and my little baseball friends. Also at this time, both the Braves and TBS were still owned by noted crazy billionaire Ted Turner, which then meant national coverage for every Braves game. So eventually I found this weird, s***ty alternate team in the high cable channels with their comically racist logo, and was weirdly drawn to them and their star at the time, Dale Murphy, like I had discovered my very own little team removed from all the Met/Yankee hubbub. Soon after, they went from worst to first and made it to the World Series while the Mets went in the other direction, and that about sealed it. The Braves and Dallas Cowboys in football both tapped into that "America's Team" mindset at various points which is why they have so many fans around the country, then you have a lot of Bulls fans due to Michael Jordan, Patriots fans due to Tom Brady, etc.The Yankees and Canadiens have had way more Championships than anyone else in their respective sports, and everyone likes a winner (though the Yankees were awful in my formative years). But nobody likes the Mets; sure dodged a bullet on that one. --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
Well
dude, I'm just about worn out. Of these interviews. I'm glad yours
was nearly the last. (Otter has to one-up Thrawn and write entire
novels for his answers.) I hope you enjoyed me pulling the mask off,
and thanks for agreeing to participate! The pleasure was mine, and always remember, that I am Polas ..... reminding you to help control the pet population, have your pet spayed or neutered. Goodbye, everybody! --- She took my money, that's a good sign. |
A
small comment about the LUE invasion. It was indeed a precursor to LUE
being delisted and is actually the reason I even made it to the ZSB.
Shortly after the Zelda tatoo topic, Umaro posted the infamous wang-sock
pic and got insta-banned. Great interview though. Braves4lyfe. --- Longboards are methods of retaining hipster status while doing something as metal as skateboarding. ~Dreoftheblue Kyrick Guldaan - http://tinyurl.com/kwob6xr |
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- The ZSB Interview, vol 21: POLAS.