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at the police station, a radio is sitting on Smokeys desk. It crackles
as it says "HELP SEND HELP SHE'S GOING TO---" before it fizzes into
static. Smokey is by the radio, but busily staring at a copy of
Playboy. --- Cribbs: Hey, isnt that call somewhat important? Smokey: I dunno. I guess. *shrugs and keeps staring* --- Cribbs yanks the Playboy away. Smokey: HEY!!! --- Smokey: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THERE WAS A VERY GOOD FEATURE ARTICLE IN THERE ABOUT GIANT TARANTULAS!!!! --- Cribbs: So? Smokey: So I was staring at the pictures. --- Smokey: Now give me that back. Cribbs: No; forget about it. Besides, what would your girlfriend say?? --- Smokey: She's accepted my interest in tarantulas. --- Cribbs and Smokey turn their heads as they hear a "YAAAAAAA!!!!" in giant baloon letters. --- Close-up of Cribbs' face: Isn't...that her now? --- Spectacular flying splash shot of Ducky soaring through the air with her left foot out and in the reader's face, like she's doing this gigantic karate leap at 10,000 MPH."YAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHH!!!!" --- Ducky comes to a halt right on top of Smokey's desk, still stuck in the splits. The desk breaks in half. --- Smokey: "AAAAAHHH!!! I'M SORRY!! I LOVE HAIRY THINGS!!" Ducky: I don't know what you're talking about. I was interrogating our new prisoner and it kind of got out of hand. You know me.... --- Ducky: Anyway, that kick was intended for his face but he ducked and someone opened the door. Smokey: I see. --- Cribbs: Why don't you go bother the scientist?? Ducky: Okay then! See ya later! *skips off* --- In the interrogation room(a sign in it says "interrogation room" so the readers don't get confused) Scientist PG is grilling the newest prisoner, Vyse the Heroic, for some answers. (Instructions on Vyse's appearance: he looks exactly like a viking, complete with horned helmet, furry coat, and beard.) Scientist: "This isn't going to get any easier, Vyse the Heroic! Sooner or later you're going to crack!" Vyse: Never! --- Ducky walks back through the door. "Okay, how's it going NOW? What's he told you?" Scientist: What do you think? He's a noob. He hasn't said anything vaguely valuable in the last 30 minutes. --- Vyse: Are those a pile of veggies? (Vyse points to what's on the table) --- Scientist: Yes, well, they're all we could find. The candy machine is busted. But the principle still applies--you haven't eaten in 10 hours. You want.....FOOD, right? --- Vyse: Know what? My friend Devin, his mom told him to eat lots of vegetables, and he didn't think it was good for him. And his mom said it would improve his health and stuff. So Devin ate all his veggies and you know what? He grew breasts the next week. --- Scientist: He did NOT. Tell me something useful here!! Vyse: He did too!! The Noob Clan never lies! --- Gamequeen: I'll be taking that stuff, thank you very much!! *lifts the whole pile of veggies off the table and carries it out* --- Ducky: Leave it to me. I can do this better than you can.... --- Next scene: It's a restroom stall and the door is closed, but you can tell where Vyse's head currently is based on the sounds emanating from it. "TELL ME!! TELL ME NOW!!" *FLUSH* "AAAAGGGGBBBLLLLBBBBBBB!!!!" --- Shot of Vyse's head, upside-down and wet: "Okay, okay! This is what I know! All us noobs, like the Taliban, have a secret plan to destroy the ZSB!! We're planning to go into SPACE to do it!! But I wasn't informed of the details beyond there! We're selling some of our less powerful arms to get the money to bribe NASA like those millionares are currently doing, which you hear about!!" --- Ducky(with menacing face, cuz she means business):"WHAT ARE THEY GATHERING TO TAKE UP INTO SPACE, EXACTLY??" --- Vyse: STUFF!! I DON'T KNOW!! WE'VE JUST BEEN GATHERING SCRAP--ONLY 3 TOP OFFICIALS ARE AWARE OF THE FULL PLAN, TO KEEP IT UNDER WRAPS!! BUT YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE!! I EVEN DON'T KNOW!!" --- Ducky: Very well. You may go now, Vyse.... Vyse: Um, not yet....can I use this toilet before I go? It's been 10 hours. --- Ducky shrugs, turns her back and walks out. --- --- --- Meanwhile, scorched wreckage is all that is left of a once-proud dumpster. --- A low groan starts to emanate from the steaming pile. A hand reaches out. --- The groan slowly turns into....."uuuuuurgh, BEEFER SMASH!!!!" |
