By Duke Igthorn

There are those who might not be familar with the one writing this posting. Listen up, urchins! I am the great DUKE IGTHORN! I tried many times in the Middle Ages to steal a most powerful juice formula from creatures called Gummi Bears, for once I had the secret, DUNWYN CASTLE WOULD BE MINE! MIIIIINE!! HA HA HAAA!! (And for the record, I DID succeed once....)

You might ask if I'm bitter about the current state of things. That the Gummis sold their image to a candy company in the early 1900's and became rich. And that currently they're protected under the Endangered Species Act, so I can't bother them any longer.
The answer is no. I don't care about them anymore because I already got from them what I wanted. Yes, I finally have the formula...the recipe for Gummi Berri Juice! IT'S MIIIIINE!!

It seemed appropriate, on the eve of the Gummi Bears DVD release, to make this announcement. (I personally won't be purchasing it, as Volume 4 of Family Guy comes out on the same day. Besides, I'm not getting a dime from it.)

Now, one might be asking, "Why did you want it so badly? What does Gummi Berry Juice do?" Well! I'll TELL you what it does. Highly prized in Dunwyn, it gives you the amazing ability to JUMP REALLY HIGH!!

.....It was more impressive in my time. Honest.

But NOW....NOW, thanks to this modern age, I shall have my final revenge! I shall POST the recipe for Gummi Berry Juice onto the Internet, where anybody who searches for it can find it! Ha HAA! How do you like THOSE apples?

Oh, sure to support Net Neutrality, or in the future people like me won't be able to get away with things like this.



Boiling water
3 buckets of crushed Gummi Berries
3 tsp Worchestershire Sauce
2 tsp salt
Three dragon hairs
Two pinches of corn starch
One photo of Lady Bane in a bikini
Zummi's toenail clippings
One small child

First heat the stove to 420 degrees. Once the water starts to boil, add the crushed Gummi Berries. I suppose you could use one of those fancy blending machines, but I'm of the opinion that the old ways were never improved upon, and I prefer using my bare feet.
Add the sauce, salt, and dragon hairs, then stir for five minutes. After these five minutes have elapsed, throw in the child and the corn starch, then the clippings to taste. As for the photo, I always included it in the list whenever I sent Gad and Zook out for this junk.

Well, Gummi fans, there it is. You urchins go ahead and bounce your brains out, and by the by, be sure to support my current candidacy for mayor of Gary, Indiana. Farewell, fools!