"Okay, see one time Randy Beaman's mom was on the porch, and she felt a lick, and she thought it was the dog, but it wasn't, it was just this crazy guy who did that a lot."

"Okay, one time Randy Beaman was at school, and he was at lunch, and he was eating a baloney sandwich, and this one kid makes this noise like, PHHHHPPPPP!!! And Randy Beaman laughed so hard baloney came out his nose! Really..."

"Okay, so Randy Beaman used to have to take baths with his brother, but then his brother took a potty in the bathtub and now Randy Beaman takes baths by himself."

"Okay, so one time Randy Beaman's mom threw a party, and they had this bean dip and everybody ate it and said it was really good, only it wasn't bean dip, they made a mistake, it was really dog food."

"Okay, so one time Randy Beaman met this really creepy guy. And he says to the guy, "GET LOST." And then he really did and then nobody ever found the guy."

"So Randy Beaman's mom said for him to eat lots of carrots, so he could see really good in the dark, and so Randy Beaman ate carrots all the time and he turned orange. True."

"One time Randy Beaman was alone in his bed, and he was in the dark, and he saw some shadows and thought it was Dracula, but his mom said it was the coat hanging on the rack, and he turned on the light and it really was Dracula."

"One time Randy Beaman ate some corn flakes only it wasn't corn flakes it was his brother's scab collection....."

"Okay, this is SCARY! One time Randy Beaman was asleep, and he heard SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH in the hall, and he woke up and there was nothing there....So the next night he heard SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH on his door, and then he woke up and there was nothing there.... So the next night he heard SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH on his bed, and he woke up and you know what it was? HIS MOM'S LEE PRESS-ON NAILS HAD COME ALIVE, AND THEY WERE AFTER RANDY BEAMAN!!

Ok, bye."

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