TRUE ZELDA TIMELINE

From: Polas | Posted: 4/16/2003 11:43:14 PM | Message Detail

You can't hide the truth forever. I've done extensive research on the Zelda series, and what follows is my opinion on the order of the Zelda games and the events that lie in between. However, one typed out and posted, my opinion immediately becomes factual, making this yet another factual Zelda timeline, indisputable and iron-clad. No more of these topics are allowed, as they are all wrong. SPOILERS FO SHO:

ZELDA 1:

Link is born in a cave to an old man who gives him a sword. The purpose of this game is to save the old man by collecting 8 pieces of the Triforce. It is true that old man follows you around during the game, but it is due to the Ganon curse, brought about by Ganon kidnapping the old man's wife, Zelda. (Old Lady is their mother) Link was successful in destroying Ganon and assembling the two Triforces. The Triforce was never seen again in the Zelda series until Link to the Past. PROOF: you could not obtain it in OoT except with the use of a Gameshark.

LINK's AWAKENING:

This is still the first Link. Angry that Old Man charged him for door repair even after saving him, Link took the raft he won from Like-Like in Zelda 1 and set off to find old man. Link ended up on Koholint Island. I will now explain Wind Fish theory, so pay attention. After beating the game with 000, Marin turns into a seagull and the Wind Fish eats her in the super-secret 000 ending. Then it shows Link floating away. Where did he end up? There is nowhere to go, it was all a dream, therefore the only place left is the Wind Fish. He ate Link the first. And the owl. End of story. The Wind Fish killed Link I.

OCARINA/MAJORA'S MASK OF TIME:

Now things begin to get tricky, and I admit I didn't clarify this enough in the last topic. Link 2 was born in Termina to Kafei and Anju. Link's parents knew the Wind Fish would return to kill Link's descendants. Ganon? He died in Zelda 1 and never came back. The boss battle in OoT is in the Wind Fish dream. There is no way to bring him back without Triforce. Link defeated the Skull Kid by collecting a lot of masks and going on an acid trip. Then he went to Hyrule, but the timing of these stories were reversed by the Timecube theory. You see, Ocarina of Time was released on Gamecube, clearly indicating that the events of the game happened twice. It was all an insidious plot on the part of the Wind Fish, master of time (earned this title by eating the first Link). He also ate the second Link.


A LINK TO THE PAST:

This game takes place 600 years after the events of the first two Zeldas. It is said that a Link will be born whenever there was trouble in Hyrule. Link the third wasn't really a Link, his real name was Sahasrahla Jr. He was kidnapped by a purple-haired deviant who forced Link to call him Uncle Sticky while bathing him in the Waterfall of Wishing, popularizing the notion that the man was Link's Uncle. It was at this time that Ganon was able to come back. I will digress:

WIND WAKER/ORACLE GAMES:

These games never occurred. They were dirty lies passed down in order to poke fun at Ganon. Come on, Hyrule beneath the sea? How the hell did they get it back up, attaching a giant crane to King of Red Lions' back? Please. Capcom made the Oracles, and Miyamoto said that they don't count.

BACK TO LTTP:

So Ganon was pissed about all the lies, and changed his name to Aganhim, so that no one would ever be able to spell his name correctly, giving him Triforce power. The Wind Fish took notice of these events, but he was dying. Feeling bad for eating Link 1 and 2, he killed Link's "Uncle" by way of eating him. Link was free, and killed Gaganhim, the final boss. However, he was not old enough to be the Hero of Time, so he was sealed off until...

ZELDA II:

At this point, Link 3 became 16. Also, he was really stupid due to a rough childhood. As a last boss, he shadow boxed in front of an old man for 3 hours before realizing he could just take the Triforce of Courage from the feeble geezer. But this geezer looked familiar. Indeed, it was old man from Zelda 1. Link 3 promptly killed him, avenging his ancestors. Then the success went to his head, and he signed a 3-game deal with Phillips. After these CD-I games were universally panned, Link 3 took his own life at the age of 19. The Zelda series was over ....

OR WAS IT?

This theory is now entirely factual. No more Zelda timeline topics are allowed to be made, as this is the final and correct word. I will clarify for the doubters, but I am clearly right. If you disagree, you are lying. ~ POLAS

From: Luxun3001 | Posted: 3/21/2004 8:36:07 AM | Message Detail
I think my waffle exploded.