The following are the new rules and regulations affecting all Toon Zone users starting April 1, 2005. They are absolutely set in stone and no complaining, opposition, or contrary thoughts are allowed. Read the following, memorize it and eat it.

• Complaining about Eisner or the recent acts of the Disney company is no longer allowed on the Disney board. Likewise, complaints about animation errors are banned from the Marvel and DC boards, and complaints about bad movies are banned from the Entertainment board. Basically, complaints themselves are banned. You have the right to be unhappy about something, but being a private organization we withhold the right to take away that right. We want all Toon Zone members to be happy, and we now see the only way is by forcing you to act so. People who are not happy will be banned. That way, we will all be happy.
• All four letter words are now forbidden. We don't just mean words considered vulgar, we mean all words that consist of four letters. Fone Bone will henceforth be known as "Foney Baloney."
• Any reference to anything political, sexual, or spiritual is hereby banned. Mentioning anything that even vaguely alludes to hot-button topics such as these could lead to disagreement and from there to hate, or maybe even hurt feelings. Any user with "angel" in their name will henceforth be known as "Not Angel" for the first two months to avoid confusion, then permanently renamed to "Mildred Snerp."
• All Toon Zone members are now required to take a drug test, go through a rigorous and nosy background check, and have a physical examination (the more thorough the better). Your safety is our utmost concern and we don't want to be held responsible if a madman somehow gets into the boards and starts killing people.
• Our previous rules about heavily segregated board divisions will be enforced heavier. If someone does something so crazy as to post a topic about a movie in the Drawing board, his/her account will be banned forever. If someone tries to make a mindless topic just for fun, he/she will be declared a witch and set on fire. These board divisions and compartments exist for a REASON, a reason that is only known to us moderators and too important to be known by you. We realize the boards might be more interesting if more variety was allowed, but variety is dangerous. When everyone is special, then no one is.
• On a related note, put-downs of other users are banned, but now so are compliments. If you feel our Nightflower is pretty, please do not point it out or you will hurt the feelings of someone uglier. Also, Bruce W. Timm is banned from posting in the DC Animation forum because his presence could make others feel inferior. (Plus, he posts in that rebellious manner that never uses the Shift key...he's up to something, we swear.)
• If you have to fart, hold it in. We smell all.
• Signatures have become rather large as of late, so the following new regulations will be applied to pare them down to size: the font is to be no bigger than size 2, only one line of text will be permitted, said line cannot contain more than 20 letters, words longer than 7 letters cannot be used, links to anything are no longer allowed, and meaningless sayings from cartoon shows we've never watched are also banned because we find those really confusing.
• In an effort to reduce page load size for those still on 15k modems, the 10-kilobyte avatar limit will be reduced to 10 bytes. We do not expect this change to hinder you much, as the 75X75 pixel limit will remain as-is.
• Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding for any Toon Zone member will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you, this will be much less breeding. For us moderators, much, much more.
• Anything Matt Wilson does not like is forbidden to talk about. This will limit topics of discussion at Toon Zone to Ed Edd and Eddy, and those Noid commercials from the late 80's. Posted opposition to this is not permitted, and will be terminated on sight of post.

And finally, to keep costs down, we have decided to make all boards a pay service. You will be charged 75 cents per word downloaded, beginning the date of March 9, 1998. We decided to set the instigation of this policy several years in the past, so that we could gather vital back charges from you, which are long overdue. We accept credit cards, houses and first-born children.

And have a happy day! HAVE A HAPPY DAY, OR ELSE!! WE DON'T SEE YOU SMILING...WE ORDER YOU TO SMILE RIGHT NOW!! INSOLENT WHELP, HOW DARE YOU DEFY US! WE WILL DESTROY YOU!!!