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| who would win? link vs... page 7 |
| From: Me LINK VS. E-BAY Link steps into another room. That eerie "final 5 minutes" music is playing. "That's odd. I remember frolicking in a field around a tree, and now I'm here." Link steps into the middle of the room, and SUDDENLY ALL THESE WORTHLESS PRODUCTS FLY OFF THE WALL AT HIM!!! Link slashes at a bent picnic table from New Jersey, only to get hit by a mint-condition, never opened six-pack of Pepsi from 1975! "OW!" says Link. "TIME FOR THE FIERCE DIETY MASK." But it's not in his pocket! "WHA--HOW???" Some guy from Britain bought it while he wasn't looking, for 6 pounds! "OH NO! I'M DOOMED!!! HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE???" Link runs about the room, while a Bic pen allegedly chewed on by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (latest bid: $465,000) is in hot pursuit. Suddenly, Link gets an idea. He drinks his Chateau Romani and fires ice arrows at the products! Now almost all of them are gone...BUT HE RUNS OUT OF ARROWS TOO EARLY!!! "Somebody must have bought them too. Well, TWO can play it THIS way." he puts his Giant's Mask up for sale, at a starting bid price of $230,000. Some poor sucker buys it, not realizing it doesn't work unless you're standing in Twinmold's Lair. "HA HA! Wait, am I getting evil?" Just then, while Link is thinking that... THE PICNIC TABLE GROWS ARMS AND LEGS AND DANCES AROUND YELLING SOMETHING LIKE "DOINK-OO, DOINK-OO!!" "ACK! THE SITUATION IS GETTING WORSE!!!" Link yells. Then he accidentally sneezes and the picnic table falls over. BUT THEN...IT GETS UP, NOW CARRYING TWO LARGE WHIPS!!! "WHAT DO I DO NOW???" screams Link. And just as he screams that, a hacker comes in and hacks E-Bay to a grinding halt, sending their stock prices into the toilet. "Huh, I didn't even have to fight. Oh well." WINNER: LINK From: Me LINK VS. WILLY WONKA Willy throws his giant hat, which is like Oddjob's and super deadly. Link slashes it in half before it can even reach him. Then a bunch of Oompa-Loompas tell him not to play with swords and to look both ways before crossing the street. Link gets so annoyed, he finally figures out how to work the Giant's Mask outside of Twinmold's Lair, and stomps after them! He's about to squish them all when Veruca Salt stomps on his foot. "OOOOWWW! OW OW OW!!" Link hops about in pain. "I WANT A GIANT'S MASK!! AND A BIG SWORD, AND A DEADLY HAT, AND BLAH BLAH BLAH..." And then Mike Tevee comes in! "POW, YOU'RE DEAD," he yells, and fires a pop gun at Giant Link. The cork strikes him in the crotch and he falls to the ground. Then the Oompa-Loompas use their atom shrinker(sorry, I actually watched this last Sunday) to shrink Link to ant-size. Then Willy puts him in a glass elevator and cuts the cable. Link falls 203 floors to his death. And then Veruca stomps on him again. Then she pulls off her mask to reveal that she is really Stop-N-Swop! "I WANT TO DIE IN A GLASS ELEVATOR!!! DADDY, GET ME ONE!!! WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT??? AAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHH!!!" From: AlphaKeny1 Link vs. The hand in the toilet (in clock town) First, after link's big adventure, he has a big dump to get rid of. He enters clock town's only toilet and sits on it. When suddenly..."AGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Link yells and jumps off the toilet. Link looks back at the toilet and finds that a hand is in it. Link throws a bomb in the toilet and explodes it. To link's amazement...its Stop-N-Swop inside the toilet waiting to harass everyone who sits on it. After taking one look at Stop-N-Swop, Link runs up the clock tower and jumps. Winner: (Sadly) Stop-N-Swop. |