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From: Polas | Posted: 7/10/2002 2:31:02 AM | Message Detail

While the Mystery Contest has the potential to become the greatest ZSB topic since, well, this one, I'm not going to disappoint those who prefer the classics. For the uninitiated:

I am Polas, master of all knowledge. In this topic, I answer questions put forth by other members of the ZSB. In my topic, all of my answers are right, period. You may ask any type of question, but the stupider ones tend to draw better answers - just don't try too hard, or be too stupid, because then the quality drops and you annoy me, which gives me the right to ignore you for awhile. You are allowed to ask up to 5 questions at a time before I answer them, anything exceeding that total will be ignored and probably ridiculed.

There you have it. The last one indeed hit 500 yet again, even though the last 4-5 pages were full of annoying filler crap posted after I left. The ceremonial first question: Will this one reach 500 as well? Time will tell, but I'd bet on it.
---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: sacdaddy | Posted: 7/10/2002 2:31:40 AM | Message Detail

Why am I fat?
---
Sacdaddy. a.k.a: Billy bad ass
"I think the moral of this story is to not date girls who carry around lunchboxes" Polas

From: Syrax | Posted: 7/10/2002 2:36:04 AM | Message Detail

Were me and Quidibaby allowed to get the last one to 500 only to be disrupted by ZiH ruining my day?
Sy has gone insane, and all the prozac has done is made him start to grow breasts. Reccomendations?
And finally, give us a contest!
---
Signatures are for nerds, ...hey, wait a minute, ~ Our Lord and Master, Quid,
~SiC (And Husband!) of the Mighty Quidists~

From: Polas | Posted: 7/10/2002 2:47:06 AM | Message Detail

Why am I fat? -sacdaddy

You're not fat, you're big-boned. But all those dognuts aren't helping.

Syrax:

Were me and Quidibaby allowed to get the last one to 500 only to be disrupted by ZiH ruining my day?

You're lucky I even answer your stupid questions after that little fiasco.

Sy has gone insane, and all the prozac has done is made him start to grow breasts. Reccomendations?

Market that Prozac right before those infomercials that promise to increase your bustline in a couple of weeks. Only in your version, include a free sticker with every bottle.

And finally, give us a contest!

That's not even a question, and you're in no place to demand anything of me. Had I seen this before I did a new Contest, I would have waited until tomorrow and blamed it on that one statement of yours to get everyone to tar and feather you. It's scary that I could do something like that if I wanted, no?
---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: Mars | Posted: 7/10/2002 2:48:10 AM | Message Detail

Take a look at this:

http://www.comingsoon.net/cgi-bin/archive/fullnews.cgi?newsid1026195153,38258,

Basically, Batman and Superman wind up in the same movie, and FIGHT!!!

My question is, considering that the last Batman movie made was garbage, and that the last Superman movie ever made was garbage...why combine them? And what did Batsie ever do to Clark?
---
"If we're all in this together, we'd better start pretending to like each other!" --Leela

From: Sage of Light II | Posted: 7/10/2002 2:51:27 AM | Message Detail

1)Already asked this before, but is there any chance of the third person gimmick coming back into play?

2)If you put two socks in a washing machine and start it, why do you only get one back?

3)Whats the purpose of the Universe?

4)Where does the other sock go?

5)If questions 2 and 3 were answered, would that result in the answer of number 4?

---
I had no shoes, and I wept. Then I saw a man with no feet. So I said, "Hey, got any shoes your not using?"
Webmaster of the OoTRPG - www.ootrpg.cjb.net

From: Sea Bass | Posted: 7/10/2002 2:51:51 AM | Message Detail

As I look at GameFaqs the blue and white all start to blend. Why?
---
I’m not ***. I know, being *** isnt a bad thing. I like girls better than boys. DKS
HEY YOU ****OFF WITH YOUR OWN HAND DONT U? Brian

From: Mystic Warrior | Posted: 7/10/2002 9:29:12 AM | Message Detail

Is my sig cooler then yours?

Will that ever happen?

If you answered no, can I spank you?
---
Bold that badass.

From: FettHasLaserBeamEyes | Posted: 7/10/2002 9:32:01 AM | Message Detail

Does Polas feel that Boba Fett should conquer everyone in Episode III with his laser beam eyes!?

---
"...And then Boba Fett swooped down and killed everyone with his laser beam eyes!" ~ The ending to every good story

From: Banjo Kazzooie | Posted: 7/10/2002 9:53:03 AM | Message Detail

Am I a walking advertisment?
---
"I know of two parents whose ages are 21 years apart."~BlizzardKai748

From: Strider | Posted: 7/10/2002 10:42:45 AM | Message Detail

Is the band Travis good in your opinion?

An electric train is heading north a 70 mph. Another train is heading south at 60. They are 230 miles away. The wind is blowing North at 7 mph. What way is the smoke blowing?
---
A new terror born in death, a new superstition entering the unassailable fortress of forever. I AM LEGEND

From: Social Avenger | Posted: 7/10/2002 12:22:57 PM | Message Detail

Heh, "El" and "smoke".

I didn't say anything.

Why is the Texas Ranger always behind you? Is he afraid you'll see him?

What ever became of the Biker Mice from Mars?

Why are the people of Metropolis so stupid? I mean c'mon! Do glasses really make you look that different?

From: Fragon | Posted: 7/10/2002 12:25:14 PM | Message Detail

Would you say that I am the only real trans-gender person on this board?

Heh . . . I even have a picture XD
---
My present gender depends alot on my present mood.
I'm a bastard and a *****, and you know it. You still have to love me though.

From: Smokey420 | Posted: 7/10/2002 12:25:29 PM | Message Detail

What did you think about that decision in the 11th inning of the All Star Game?
---
§mØk£Ÿ
You are what you do, everything else is just talk.

From: SniperScope998 | Posted: 7/10/2002 1:35:22 PM | Message Detail

Is hockey the coolest sport ever?

---
Vargo Schava Fragga DA!-Sims arguing over the toilet or bath or whatever...

From: Polas | Posted: 7/10/2002 3:04:18 PM | Message Detail

My question is, considering that the last Batman movie made was garbage, and that the last Superman movie ever made was garbage...why combine them? And what did Batsie ever do to Clark? -Mars

Why combine them? Count up all the money Spider-Man made, I think you can answer that one yourself. And Batman pissed off Superman by allowing George Clooney to portray him for an entire movie, I don't blame him for being pissed.

Sage of Light II:

1)Already asked this before, but is there any chance of the third person gimmick coming back into play?

No, it's purely situational now.

2)If you put two socks in a washing machine and start it, why do you only get one back?

You need to watch more Ren & Stimpy.

3)Whats the purpose of the Universe?

To entertain me.

4)Where does the other sock go?

5)If questions 2 and 3 were answered, would that result in the answer of number 4?

Apparently not.

As I look at GameFaqs the blue and white all start to blend. Why? -Sea Bass

This is the last time - stay outta mah wacky tobacky, boy! :bangs pitchfork:

Mystic Warrior:

Is my sig cooler then yours?

No. Not even close.

Will that ever happen?

Never.

If you answered no, can I spank you?

You have no right to ever call anyone a "n00b" based on this question alone.

Does Polas feel that Boba Fett should conquer everyone in Episode III with his laser beam eyes!? -FettHasLaserBeamEyes

Polas has an extremely low interest in the Star Wars franchise, I'd just let Mars direct it and take it from there, it'd probably turn out better that way.

Am I a walking advertisment? -Banjo Kazzooie

I can think of a good substitute for "advertisement", but one modded message is enough for this week, thanks.

---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: Polas | Posted: 7/10/2002 3:05:33 PM | Message Detail

Strider:

Is the band Travis good in your opinion?

I've never heard of them, I don't like their name, so that means "no".

An electric train is heading north a 70 mph. Another train is heading south at 60. They are 230 miles away. The wind is blowing North at 7 mph. What way is the smoke blowing?

How cute, he tried to fool Polas with the age old "electric trains don't blow smoke" riddle. Let's all point and laugh, children.

Social Avenger:

Why is the Texas Ranger always behind you? Is he afraid you'll see him?

No, he's just that good of a shortstop.

What ever became of the Biker Mice from Mars?

They moved to Uranus.

Why are the people of Metropolis so stupid? I mean c'mon! Do glasses really make you look that different?

I'm also assuming that Mary Jane and Felicia Hardy never once thought that Spider-Man's voice sounded vaugely familiar, or that his tongue shared similar traits with Peter Parker's. Damn comics.

Would you say that I am the only real trans-gender person on this board? -Fragon

I'd say it, but then you'd probably shove it down our throats even more than you already have this week, so no, there's also ScumBag. I love you, Scummie!

What did you think about that decision in the 11th inning of the All Star Game? -Smokey420

Purely craptacular. First and foremost, naming the MVP award after Ted Williams, then not awarding it to anyone even though there were several standout performances over 11 innings, is absolutely the stupidest decision Bud Selig has ever made, and this is with contraction in mind. I can understand the managers' positions of not wanting to expend other teams' pitchers, but this is the damn All-Star game that fans paid hundreds of dollars to see, plus a work stoppage is looming; you drag people out of the stands to pitch and finish the game if you have to.

Is hockey the coolest sport ever? -SniperScope998

No. It was Baseball until last night, now it's a tie between Foxy Boxing and Comedy Central's Let's Bowl!.

---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: Habnot | Posted: 7/10/2002 4:47:17 PM | Message Detail

Why does my tax money go to feed a convict in prison for the rest of life instead of frying his ass on the chair?
---
"Look!It's Spank the monkey!"-Notch Johnson,Son of the Beach.

From: jman009 | Posted: 7/10/2002 4:57:50 PM | Message Detail

Now that most people have evil "twins" these days (They seem to be some kinda fashion acessory). Does Polas have an Evil twin? I'd imagine he'd be called dolas or WaPolas or something similar.
---
jman009- "9 out of 10 of 10 out of 9 can't be wrong."

From: Vapor Eagle | Posted: 7/10/2002 5:03:01 PM | Message Detail

When you shut the refridgerator, does the little light go out?

Is it safe to light a firecracker while it's in your mouth?

Do you really know everything?

What's my name?
---
If you find yourself falling into insanity...DIVE.

From: Vapor Eagle | Posted: 7/10/2002 7:24:55 PM | Message Detail

Is the world really round?

Who is the god of sporks?

If a tree falls on a bear in the woods, does it make a noise?

In space, can no one hear you?

Where's my shoe?

Is it bad if your kitchen is 3 inches underwater?

If it's a bad thing, how do I fix it?

What would win, a 100 ton Dire Wolf Alteration Delta (Widowmaker Variation) or a 100 ton Kodiak? Both are Huge warmachines known as battlemechs.

Which is better, Old Spice or Speedstick?
---
If you find yourself falling into insanity...DIVE.

From: Angelic Panther | Posted: 7/10/2002 7:28:49 PM | Message Detail

how many of these Q&A topics have u had so far?

Are their any long-term effects of electric probing of people i feel i must punish?
---
princess mononoke rocks. i know of no other movie that can give u that many nightmares about pigs.

From: RockMFR 5 | Posted: 7/10/2002 9:11:04 PM | Message Detail

Can I kill the person that marked you?

What is this fourth thing in my pants?

Why mesa so horny?

Got Resident Evil?
---
<SSBM-290><P9-DC><SA2B-153><MKSC-NJWRx13-WRx11> ^_^
"RockMFR is some sort of freak" ~ Polas

From: SaiyanGirl | Posted: 7/10/2002 9:27:50 PM | Message Detail

My mom is the *****iest ***** in the world. Why?

If you ever obtained a copyright on the word "w00t," would you ban the word forever or keep it and make tons o' cash?

What would the world be like if you ruled it all?

Would you let me live in your palace?

Could I be your ninja-assassin type person?
---
"Experience: the most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." -C.S. Lewis

From: Vapor Eagle | Posted: 7/10/2002 9:28:10 PM | Message Detail

Time for even more questions.

How old is Jesus? In this format. Years/Months/Days.

Is bigger really better?

Do they replace the batteries in the energisor (sp) bunny? Because he's been running for way to long.

What car is better? '92 Dodge Stealth R/T TwinTurbo or '92 Mitsibishi GTO TwinTurbo?

What should I ask for this christmas? A volcanic island for my evil plans to be hatched, or a Big Ray Gun that can destroy anything?
---
If you find yourself falling into insanity...DIVE.

From: Polas | Posted: 7/10/2002 10:02:08 PM | Message Detail

Why does my tax money go to feed a convict in prison for the rest of life instead of frying his ass on the chair? -Habnot

You don't like it, go to Texas.

Now that most people have evil "twins" these days (They seem to be some kinda fashion acessory). Does Polas have an Evil twin? I'd imagine he'd be called dolas or WaPolas or something similar. -jman009

Maybe .... or maybe Polas IS the evil twin. :Evil laughter:

Vapor Eagle: In your quest to learn how to read, I suggest you begin with my first post in this topic.

Angelic Panther:

how many of these Q&A topics have u had so far?

I answer this question the same way each time: Far too many.

Are their any long-term effects of electric probing of people i feel i must punish?

Yeah. Chronic ass pains. Duh.

RockMFR 5:

Can I kill the person that marked you?

I guess, if you don't someone else will.

What is this fourth thing in my pants?

A gerbil.

Why mesa so horny?

Why yousa talk like buttmonkey?

Got Resident Evil?

Got Eternal Darkness. Don't want Resident Evil.

SaiyanGirl:

My mom is the *****iest ***** in the world. Why?

I bet my friend's ex-best friend's mom is worse, she called her a ***** over the phone yesterday. Can I say *****? Guess not. It ends in "e".

If you ever obtained a copyright on the word "w00t," would you ban the word forever or keep it and make tons o' cash?

I'd change the definition so that saying things like "ah, w00t" and "Be right back, gotta take a w00t" would become commonplace.

What would the world be like if you ruled it all?

Pretty much the same, I'm too lazy to make any changes. As long as no one bothered me in my fortified gold compound, we wouldn't have any problems. Oh, Rodney Dangerfield would be Secretary of Hilarity.

Would you let me live in your palace?

Compound. Palace is too European for me.

Could I be your ninja-assassin type person?

If you can beat Ryu Hayabusa and Shredder.
---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: Habnot | Posted: 7/10/2002 10:33:04 PM | Message Detail

Can I be your brain dead lacky?I have the brain dead part down...
---
"Look!It's Spank the monkey!"-Notch Johnson,Son of the Beach.

From: idiotbx3 | Posted: 7/10/2002 11:13:40 PM | Message Detail

why are so many people scared of "the bathtub scene" in ED? didnt do anythin fer me
---
"pixie lover!"

From: willis5225 | Posted: 7/10/2002 11:23:24 PM | Message Detail

Why did it have to be my job to measure the one ****ing turtle on the planet who has anger management problems? I mean, every other one I've ever seen gets inside its shell when you poke it on the nose. This one bites your finger.
---
"What's your pleasure?" -Willis5225, on what Starcraft UMS to play
"I like shims." -Jittery, in response

From: Polas | Posted: 7/10/2002 11:24:40 PM | Message Detail

Can I be your brain dead lacky?I have the brain dead part down... -Habnot

I already have half-wit lackeys, half's better than nothing. I'll keep your resume in my Poladex.

why are so many people scared of "the bathtub scene" in ED? didnt do anythin fer me -idiotbx3

:whacks you with the SPOILER stick:

Probably because you're not really expecting something like that at that point in the game, I think by that time the worst you've had as Alex is knocking on doors and that weird statue following you with his eyes, so the chick in the bathtub is all "crap, that came out of nowhere".
---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: Polas | Posted: 7/11/2002 1:42:40 AM | Message Detail

Why did it have to be my job to measure the one ****ing turtle on the planet who has anger management problems? I mean, every other one I've ever seen gets inside its shell when you poke it on the nose. This one bites your finger. -willis5225

Maybe this Turtle isn't as ....blessed as his cohorts, and is a little sensitive to being measured. I suggest buying it a drink first and popping Secret of the Ooze into the VCR before you try again.
---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: Habnot | Posted: 7/11/2002 2:17:03 PM | Message Detail

Can I bump this?
---
"Look!It's Spank the monkey!"-Notch Johnson,Son of the Beach.

From: Ganondork | Posted: 7/11/2002 5:02:50 PM | Message Detail

Are you going to bring back the Polas' rating topic?
---
...stupid people should be beaten with a stick ~ Proverbs Chap 10 Vs 13.

From: Habnot | Posted: 7/11/2002 5:12:33 PM | Message Detail

Oh,I forgot:Can I eat this bug?
---
Things you'd never expect in an AIM convo...
ScientistPG: because the super nintendo OwnZ you

From: jukester | Posted: 7/11/2002 5:22:56 PM | Message Detail

On "Let's Bowl" which host does The Polas like better? Wally or the one with the teeth?

jukester

From: Ellimist | Posted: 7/11/2002 9:51:51 PM | Message Detail

Where can I find jai alai equipment? I have a strange desire to send a little rubber ball at someone at over 100mph.
---
I will stop my obsessive compulsive behavior. I will stop my obsessive compulsive behavior. I will stop my obsessive compulsive behavior. I will stop...

From: FaethorFcy | Posted: 7/11/2002 9:57:47 PM | Message Detail

I need a good song to listen to. What one song would you recommend?
---
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" -Sigmund Freud

From: idiotbx3 | Posted: 7/11/2002 10:45:33 PM | Message Detail

have you ever watched a brazilian soap opera on telemundo?
---
"pixie lover!"

From: krosser | Posted: 7/11/2002 10:50:53 PM | Message Detail

it seems some of these are not the questions polas usually answers do you agree
---
K

From: Polas | Posted: 7/11/2002 10:59:36 PM | Message Detail

Can I bump this? -Habnot

Indeed.

Are you going to bring back the Polas' rating topic? -Ganondork

I was debating it, because last time I did it to take the attention away from all the other rating topics, then I closed it when the fad had died. It seems to have died on its own this time, although it's still kicking slightly.

Oh,I forgot:Can I eat this bug? -Habnot

Knock yourself out.

On "Let's Bowl" which host does The Polas like better? Wally or the one with the teeth? -jukester

To be honest, I really don't have a preference. I'm a former decent bowler, and one of the only people in America that can sit through it on ESPN. The reason I love Let's Bowl, is because they get people that all suck worse than I do.

Where can I find jai alai equipment? I have a strange desire to send a little rubber ball at someone at over 100mph. -Ellimist

I first suggest placing the ball up your funhole and farting it out in a crowded mall. Even if it doesn't go as planned, it'd be a good time for all.

I need a good song to listen to. What one song would you recommend? -FaethorFcy

The Cult, "Love Removal Machine".

have you ever watched a brazilian soap opera on telemundo? -idiotbx3

They've got nothing on the fat guy that hosts Sabado Gigante.

it seems some of these are not the questions polas usually answers do you agree -krosser

No, I'd say the stupid levels are at normal depth.
---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: Quidigibul | Posted: 7/12/2002 1:52:09 AM | Message Detail

Is the anger/annoyance over the topic flooding the pro-wrestling kind or the bad kind?
---
Signatures are for nerds, ...hey, wait a minute,
Balugrabah!

From: willis5225 | Posted: 7/12/2002 10:56:18 AM | Message Detail

Y'ever notice how Krosser types a lot like a noob?

Any thoughts as to why no one seems to notice?
---
"What's your pleasure?" -Willis5225, on what Starcraft UMS to play
"I like shims." -Jittery, in response

From: RockMFR 5 | Posted: 7/12/2002 4:10:53 PM | Message Detail

What is the gerbil eating while it is in my pants?

What is this 5th thing in my pants?

And this 6th thing in my pants...what is it?

What company developed Eternal Darkness? Was it Nintendo?

---
<SSBM-290><P9-DC><SA2B-153><MKSC-NJWRx12-WRx10> o_0
"RockMFR is some sort of freak." ~ Polas

From: Polas | Posted: 7/12/2002 4:54:19 PM | Message Detail

Is the anger/annoyance over the topic flooding the pro-wrestling kind or the bad kind? -Quidigibul

The Don Imus kind. Maybe that will get some people to listen/watch.

willis5225:

Y'ever notice how Krosser types a lot like a noob?

I was unaware that a specific typing style was tied in to the n00b level of the scale I try to pay little to no attention to. Hey, that might explain it.

Any thoughts as to why no one seems to notice?

Krosser's overall ass kickery overshadows any and all shortcomings that may or probably don't exist.

RockMFR 5:

I'm sick of the stupid pants questions. I'll be nice and give a legit answer for the last one.

What company developed Eternal Darkness? Was it Nintendo?

Silicon Knights, for Nintendo.

---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: Legendary Link | Posted: 7/12/2002 4:57:25 PM | Message Detail

When was the last time George "The Animal" Steele shaved his... uh... well pretty my his whole body?
---
I am Cribbs542
Life Sucks And Then You Die.

From: Polas | Posted: 7/12/2002 11:38:08 PM | Message Detail

When was the last time George "The Animal" Steele shaved his... uh... well pretty my his whole body? -Legendary Link

Trick question; the answer is never. Also, his tongue will forever be green due to a horrific toad-licking incident gone wrong. That's why he always ate the turnbuckles.
---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: ReturnOfKane | Posted: 7/12/2002 11:40:57 PM | Message Detail

wheres A BOY AND HIS BLOB review?
why didnt my story win?
wheres kane in wrestling?
---
I am matter, I am antimatter, I can see your past, I can see your future, I consume time, and I will consume you.

From: Polas | Posted: 7/12/2002 11:45:49 PM | Message Detail

ReturnOfKane:

wheres A BOY AND HIS BLOB review?

Lost somewhere in December 2005 if you keep asking me.

why didnt my story win?

I showed it to 3 different cats and it made all of them poop on the floor.

wheres kane in wrestling?

Shush, the WWE doesn't want you to mention him until he comes back to team up with Booker and Goldust against whatever nWo members aren't crippled at the moment. Or something like that.

---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

From: ReturnOfKane | Posted: 7/12/2002 11:47:49 PM | Message Detail

wheres A BLOB AND HIS BOY review?
Why was dr willy not the boss in mega man u were thinking of?
lol stop im gettin a bonar.
did that last sentence turn you on?
Is it working?
Are you asking me out?
---
I am matter, I am antimatter, I can see your past, I can see your future, I consume time, and I will consume you.

From: Polas | Posted: 7/12/2002 11:52:34 PM | Message Detail

ReturnOfKane: CONGRATULATION! You get the "these questions are too stupid for me to answer" award. WHOO.
---
Polas' Goodtime Retro Cafe: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas
Latest Update: Karnovpalooza! - http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/polas/karnovpalooza.html

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